Chapter 8:Getting it together and keeping it real somehow

With all the hoopla going around during the party, Jill and I never had the chance to dance.
Disappointed as I was that it didn't happen, I was also relieved.
I was afraid that an awkward moment might come out of that dance, memories of our past in California would come flooding back to her, and it was just going to ruin her mood.
I know she still has a lot of resentments towards me, she just doesn't know how to say it.
That thing at the pool was just an appetizer.
She's just putting all that at the back of her mind right now, but I know at some point, one of us would initiate "The Talk"

We did get to exchange numbers right after the party, but that was it.
I never had the guts to dial her number or send her a message.
Not that I was being chicken to reach out to her, but she was just too busy.
The past two days, if she wasn't in some mall promoting her album, she was off to some talk show.
Not that I was monitoring her activities, it's just that she's everywhere.
Why am I being defensive?

I almost jumped when someone knocked on my door.
"Who is it?" I asked.
"Kenny! Time to go! Your call time is at 9:00!" Joan said as she opened the door to my room. She suddenly looked alarmed, "Whats wrong?"
"You sure? You look pale. Are you sure you're alright?" she fussed over me.
"Quit fussing over me. I'm alright. I just got a little surprised with the way you knocked, that's all," I replied.
She smiled knowingly at me, "Been daydreaming again huh?"
"No," I said almost in a squeak.
Theres just no hiding stuff with this woman.
Or I'm just too transparent.
Whatever it is, I know I just cant hide what I'm really thinking when it's our road manager who notices the differences in my actions.

"Better be downstairs in 5 minutes or Jeff might blow his top! Gabe's awake already! He's going with you," she said as she gently placed a stack of magazines on the couch near the door, "Oh yeah, this might not be advisable to bring to the shoot," she said with a wink.

It was the first day of my Coke Light ad with her.
We were supposed to be working with some artists but they were doing it in groups first before the whole all-star gimmick.
The management decided on pairing the two of us up first before she worked with the others because they could see that we looked like we have good chemistry.
Even when Vickie was included in the line up.
Much to the chargin of Kenny-Vickie fans who have been rooting for us since rumors started that the two of us we're going out, scared that having Blade as my partner would screw things up between Vickie and me.

If they only knew.

Before I left Jeffrey gave me a piece of his mind, "I know you're nervous about all this, but this isn't the moment to screw up and let your issues haunt you. I'm pretty sure she's just going to take everything in stride and work as if you two dont have a past. The time will come that you will finally get to talk. Don't force it ok?

I couldn't help but feel grateful that Jeff was sensitive about this stuff.

"So now that she's here, are you still going on a break after all your commitments?" he joked.

I smiled at him,

"You might want to be a graciuous host and invite her for dinner later if she doesn't have any commitment after the shoot," he suggested

.
But that was walking on dangerous territory.

"Hey Mr.Daydreamer, we're here already. Better get ready because you're 15 minutes late already, you might get Blade irritated again," Gabe said as he literally pulled me out of the van.

I just smirked, "Let her wait, a superstar needs to wait at some point in her life."
Knowing that girl, she's probably late too. She's not exactly the poster girl for punctuality.
She was in detention several times because of her constant tardiness.
Joan just rolled her eyes at me and motioned me to walk faster.

When I walked in the studio, everyone was minding their own business, arranging the supposed setting of the commercial. The production assistants whisked me off to the dressing room, mumbling that it was a good thing the director was doing a conference call with the Coke Light execs.

Surrounded with production people I wasn't able to see if Blade was around already.

Oh well, I'll see her later.

***
I know I'm not the poster girl for punctuality but eversince I got into this business I try my best to always be on time when I have shows and appointments.
It irritates me when a co-worker is late and he wouldn't even be apologetic for it.
I'd appreciate it if you call in ahead of the supposed call time to tell the staff that you're going to be late but don't just be late and appear at work acting like nothing happened and you didn't interrupt the work schedule.
That's why whenever I rant about someone about his or her punctuality, Kirsten doesn't dare bring up the fact that as Jill, punctuality isn't my best asset.
They know I have a different personality when I'm Blade.
I wouldn't even care if you're the biggest person in the industry.

Fifteen minutes after Kenny arrived , the director assembled the whole production crew and the cast for a pep talk.
He talked about doing our best to make this project a success, being professional and reminded us to have fun.
He called the choreographer, the writer and the dancers so thay they could present the storyline and teach us the moves.
Amidst all this, Kenny was trying to catch my attention, but he wasn't getting any from me.
The director took the people he called aside first and left the two of us in the middle.
I was trying to avoid his gaze, I could feel that he was looking at me.
He walked towards me, and nudged me, "Hey! Woke up on the wrong side of the bed? You look cranky today."
I shot him a deadly look.
"I slept and woke up fine thankyouverymuch Mr.Chou, I hope you did too because you surely look like it. I just hope you don't oversleep the next time and be punctual. Please!"
"Whoa whoa! Dont breathe fire on me! You're not exactly the most punctual person on this earth Miss Esguerra!" he answered.
"Well right now I'm Blade, the rap princess. I'm professional and try my best to always be on time for my appointments," I shot back.
I saw the director pointing the choreographer to us and mouthing "Rehearse the steps!"
I turned my back to him and walked to where the choreographer was .
"Lets get to work."
***
Poor Kenny!
He was greeted by Blade, not Jill.
The rap princess wasn't exactly in the best of moods when he talked to her.
We saw the whole thing unravel.
It was like watching an old home video of them bickering at the smallest of things.
"Things never change, ten years of separation and they're still at it," I said when Jill walked out on Kenny.
Kirsten laughed."Think they'll patch up on their own and wont need you?"
"Darn! I hope so!" I said, "They're grown ups now, they'll be able to handle this."

When we were younger, we knew this two had something special going on.
Even when we were just kids, their closeness was different from the bond they shared with us.
We knew somehow, someway, someday, they would end up together or at least be a couple at one point in their life
The intensity of their love for each other was as intense as their squabbles that they would bicker at any given chance.
Being kids, their pride was as high as the Empire State building and would claim that their friendship is over, that they weren't going to talk to each other anymore, and that they don't know each other.
Of course, that's just bullshit.
They wouldn't talk to each other but their eyes would tell how much they miss each other.
Since my house was in between their houses, I would always end up being the middle man.
Geographically and figuratively. Sometimes even literally coz there were times when an issue would sprout up and I would be standing in between them.
When things were too tough for them to tackle, I come in.When their pride comes in between them, I do the talking. When they're simply just being unreasonable, I try to be the voice of reason.

Tough job! Especially when the people you're taking care of is as stubborn as Kenny and Jill.
It's a good thing I managed to have a life of my own when all of us we're still living in the same street.
With the two of them around and constantly bickering at each other, it's a miracle I managed to get out of the house once in a while.

The rewarding part about is when they make up. Seeing the smiles on their faces makes it all worth it.
And of course , my privacy.
When they make up, they leave me alone.

Kirsten and I were intently observing as they were rehearsing the dance steps. Jill was completely ignoring him and just following the choreographers instructions while Kenny was making an attempt to lead the dance steps everytime Jill committed a blunder.

When they called for a break, Kristen nudged me, "Someone's out to get you!"
"Uh-oh!"
I smiled at the two, "Hey guys, doing a good job!"
Jill smiled at me then sat on the chair beside me. Kenny just stood there, doing the steps.
"You alright? You look pissed?" I asked Jill.
"That guy!!!" she pointed, "How could he have grown up into a ...a.....grrrrrrr"
I laughed, "Deja vu! Deja vu!"
The director called her over, and when she left the seat, it was Kenny who took over.
"Okay Mr Chou, what's your case?"
"Geez! Such a big head! So what if I was late for 15 minutes.. she didn't have to bite my head off," Kenny mumbled.
"Dude you gotta understand, you're working with Blade, not Jill. Somehow there's a personality change once she enters her workplace."
"Still...Fifteen minutes!"
I didn't know what to say anymore.
I'm rusty already.

"Time is gold!" I nonchalantly said.

Kenny glared at me.
"Dude, choreographer calling you!" I said as I diverted his attention away from me.
He mischievously smiled at me, "You think I should just go ahead and kiss her?"
"Dude, its 2005, not 1995! That ain't going to work anymore!"

When they did finally make it official when Jill was 11 and Kenny 15,everytime Jill wasn't in the mood and would practically bite off Kenny's head, he would try to appease her by kissing her and it always was effective.

But he couldn't do that now.
It was like asking for a headache to come.
"Go come up with something else, just not that!" I suggested as he stood up and walked to where the rehearsal was going on.
***
I cant ruin the day just because we had a little spat.

Of course even if I was pissed at him, I had to work with him and I knew sometime today I had to talk to him or at least pretend we got along.
Specially when VJ Andy arrives and the Coke management will start shooting the behind the scenes clips for their special DVD.
But I can't pretend that I'm okay working with him right now.
I had to lower my pride and be the bigger person or this will affect my work.

I heard a knock on my door and i turned to my two companions, knocked out on the couches.Sometimes i wonder who's more exhausted with the whole tour thing, them or me.So much for giving the wardrobe crew a day off.I stood up and opened the door, and the sight of Kenny,standing in front of the door,holding a handwritten "I'm Sorry" sign almost made my knees give way and eant to hug the heck out of him but im not going to make it easy for him of course.Which was actually hard to do with him looking at me with those pleading eyes.

"I know i've been an ass, and for the sake of everyone's sanity, including mine and yours, can we call it a truce?"
"You promise not to be late?"
"Can you give me an allowance?"
"Im sure Jeffrey wont tolerate your tardiness"
"He does and he gives me at least 5 minutes tops"
"Well Mr Chou, if Jeff gives you 5 minutes, you've taken all three work days today!You're under probation!We haved 2 more days of shooting the ad, show me you''ll be punctual for the next 2 days and everything will be a-ok.
"Seriously now, we havent seen each other in 10 years, and you cut me out for the next 2 days for being late!who knows when we will see each other again"
"Dont give me that crap Kenny!And please...dont bring that aspect of our life at work,everything will just be drama if you do that!Lets just be professional please!Now if you'll excuse me i hear Jeff calling us already!"
I sure didnt expect that to come from him.
Oh well Blade!Shrug that off first and get back to work.
***
"Okay okay guys final run through please!WE gotta wrap up!Blade still has a show in Kao shiong tomorrow !We have to let her rest!"Jeff hollered as the choreographer was wrapping up the dance sequence for the Kenny and Blade ad for the Coke Light campaign.
"Huh?Didnt we have a shoot tomorrow?"Jill asked.
"Shooting has to be moved the day after!Dont you worry your manager has been informed of that"Joan said.
"Oh alright!Where is he anyway?"
"He's at Kaoshiong already!Doing his own promo!"Joan replied.
The choreographer called me over and instructed me to stand behind Jill then he asked Jill to lean on me, with her head to my chest.
I knew it and i felt it that she was feeling uncomfortable with our position especially after that confrontation before we headed back to rehearsals but i guess she was just being professional and not making fuss of the compromising situation we were in.
The choreographer asked me to turn my head towards Jill's neck and he made her brush aside her hair to make it look like that i was going to kiss her neck.
I was holding on to her shoulders as well and i could sense the tension on her shoulder.
"Hao le!Hao le!Very good!So realistic!If you didnt meet just a few days ago, i would think you were lovers in your past!"the choreographer told us in Mandarin not minding that Jill was still struggling with her mandarin.I sure hope she doesnt ask me to translate that!"
I smiled at him and Jill turne to Jeff asking what he said.
Jeff smirked"He said you guys look like lovers in the past!And from my stand point it seems like it!Dude he just wrapped up rehearsals and you're still holding on to each other!"
I looked at where my hand was, it was still holding her hand and the minute we both noticed,she broke off from my hand.
"So am i done?"she asked
"Yes you are!"Jeff replied,"You still have something to do?"
"Ummm...i wanna hit the sack early!Im exhausted!"she told Jeff."Can i be excused?"
"Sure,no problem!"
She ran back to her dressing room and JEff walked up to me."Come on dude!You're not going to accomplish anything today when it comes to reconnecting with her.You messed it up today!Lets just go!"/
"Tell me dude, am i trying too hard?Why cant she be comfortable with me again?She's ok with you, she's ok with the guys, why not me?"
Nicky approached us."Dude!Just give it a rest for now man!You're forcing the situation!You'll get your chance!
Jill, Kristen and Angela walked out of the dressing room, carrying their stuff.Joan approached them and offered to help.Jill refused, "Thanks Joan!but we can manage!"
"You sure!"Joan asked
"Yeah thanks!"
The girls approached us and said goodbye,giving each of us a hug.
Jill approached me and i didnt know if i was going to give her a hug or not.I just waited for her next move.
She gave me a tap on the shoulders and smiled."See you Chou!" and walked off with the girls.
"What the..."
Jeff and Nicky laughed."At least she acknowledged you,man!"
All i got was a tap!A freaking tap!
Without a word, i ran to the parking lot to try one more time but unfortunately they were gone.
***

Chapter 7

Music by: Jojo- Weak

Trying to rekindle our friendship is like having a concert and getting full support from the people around us. You know you have a lot of people behind you, willing to be with you and willing to go through anything just to help you achieve your goal, but at the end of everything, when the smoke has cleared, all the blame or credit will go to you, the main artist.

Or in our case, the both of us.

That is if we both want the same thing.

Problem is I don't know what I want anymore.

Before it was all simple, reunite with her and pick up where we left off.
But with the way things are, I don't think it's possible anymore.

I have Vickie, she has DMX.

Jill's a very special girl and will always hold a special place in my heart.
But whatever we had is all in the past now, I've moved on.
She's my past, Vickie is my future.
And from the way I've observed things the past two days, I'm sure she has moved on too.
She always looks happy whenever DMX calls.

All I have to do now is tell these stuff to her.
Even though other people might think there's no need for an explanation, I know I need to do this.
For closure.
To avoid thinking that I have unfinished business with her.
And this is what my mind is telling me.

But how do you tell someone you loved for fifteen years of your life that you've moved on and you just want to be friends, when deep in your heart you know that your heart is aching for her. That everytime you see her, you just want to run to her and give her a hug. That everytime you listen to her struggle with her Mandarin, all you want to do is sit near her and help her out.

"Dude!!! Snap out of your coma! I'm telling you, how could you get back to the way you were, when you guys have not had a decent conversation since she arrived."

Did I just say everybody was willing to support me through all of this?
Ladies and Gentlemen, Nicky Lee, my voice of reason. Sometimes.

"We can only do so much Kenny. If you dont do anything, then what's the point of supporting you and chiding you to go talk to her. This is all going to be up to you."

See what I mean?

Our conversation was interrupted when my phone rang.
It was Jeffrey.
"We're coming!!! Just got stuck in traffic!" I said as I answered.
It was the day after Blade's arrival and Bad Boy arranged a party to celebrate Blade's arrival on Asian soil and the merger of Bad Boy and Asiatix.
Jeff was nervous about the event, he wanted to please Diddy, he's been a nervous wreck this morning and we weren't helping the situation since we were already running late.
"Hurry up then! The press people are here already!" Jeff said.
"Calm down Jeff, that's just the press, we dont really have to impress them. I'm worried about Diddy and Blade, are they there yet?" I asked.
"Nope! Your princess has not arrived yet!" Jeff answered.
"Shhh! Someone might hear you!" I hissed.
"Who will? I'm in the car!" Jeff replied, "Just hurry up already!"
"We're comin man! Hold your horses!" Nicky shouted into the earpiece.

"Ey guys, can we pass by 7-11 first, I'm getting hungry!" Edward pleaded from the very back seat of the van.
"No can do Ed! Jeff's losing hair by the minute already!" Nicky answered.
"You ate before we left! How could you be hungry again!" I asked, "No wonder you've lost your six pack!"
"Ey!!! I'm a growing boy! Besides, I lost some of the weight already!" Ed protested, "I don't dream of letting my nipples dance on tv anyway so its fine! That's your job!"
Gabe, Steven, Nicky and Ed burst out laughing, while I had this dumbfounded look on my face.
Later on, I found myself laughing with them, and Nicky and Steve were staring at me.

"What the... is there dirt on my face, I laugh with you guys and you just stare at me?"I asked.
Steven smiled, "Nothing, I just noticed something different tonight. You look relaxed man, your smile looks genuine, and your eyes are twinkling."
What are these guys saying?
"Yeah man, the past few days you looked so stressed and uptight... you look so.... so.... sunshiney today!" Nicky replied.

Sunshiney??? Where the heck did he get that word???

"Are you guys turning gay on me?" I asked

All four of them gave me deadly glares and gave me the middle finger
"You wish, Chou!" Ed hollered.
"Can't you accept a compliment? Geez!!!"Steven said
"A thank you would be enough," Nicky mumbled and rolled his eyes.
"You're not pretty enough!" Gabe retorted.

"Then whats with the comments!!!"

"Coz that's how we see you right now!" Nicky exasperatedly said.

"So before, I didn't look happy to you guys? Didn't look like someone who can brighten up your day?" I asked.

"Well, at least to us you didn't...your fans don't know how your looks changed over the years... and how the Kenny look we used to know is coming back now..." Steven answered.
"Jill really has a different effect on you!" Nicky said.
I scowled at him.
"Dont scowl at me, man. I know you got your mind set on Vickie, but the heart is saying a different thing. It's just up to you! Mind over heart or heart over mind!" Nicky said as he thumped me on the chest.

"Dude, we're curious. What really happened at the poolside yesterday?"Steven asked.

Nosy big men!

I didn't tell them what happened at the poolside yesterday.
I don't know if it still stands, but Jill and I made a pact before.
Whatever happens between us, or whatever we talk about, not unless other people are directly involved, will be kept between the two of us only. It was our way of making people stop meddling with our friendship.

I smiled at them. "It's for the two of us to know, and for you guys to find out!"

Nicky smirked, "Well i guess we're going to find out now!"

"Huh?"

He pointed at the driveway going to the venue's parking lot. P.Diddy and his bodyguards were walking to the entrance, while another car was following them, and I could see from the silhouette that it was the girls.

I smirked at Nicky, "You wish!"

I knew Jill wasn't going to give in to Nicky.
Or to anyone.
Specially when it came to our affairs

"Ey ey!Don't go down yet!" Nicky hollered, "Kenny!!!"

They keep on telling me I should go talk to her, that I should make the first move.
Well, I'm going to do it now!

Here I go!!!
***
"Will you two stop staring at me like that!"

I don't usually get conscious when people look at me. I've gotten used to people scrutinizing me from the stage, but these two, my own friends are giving me the creeps. They've been at it since I got out of my bedroom, and now we're a few meters away from the party venue.

"There's really something different in the way you look tonight."

"Probably just the make-up" I dismissed, "I used a different color for my blush and eye makeup"

Kirsten shook her head."No, that's not it!"

"The outfit?"Angela asked, "But no...we're used to seeing her in this kinds of wardrobe."

"Would you two just stop it! What's different with my torn jeans and tank top? I know it's been a while since I wore a bandanna, but I'm sure it doesn't make me look any different?"

The two sighed and started mumbling.

"What are you two up to?" I suspiciously asked them.

"Nothing! You don't get it anyway," Angela answered.
"Yeah! We didn't know seeing Kenny would make your brain cells rot!"

"What the..."
"We've been trying to fish from you since last night and you haven't been talking!"
"What happened at the poolside? We're dying to know! We asked the boys and Kenny won't talk."
I laughed at the two. They looked really desperate to get information from me, "That's what you get for being nosy!
"Wellll....what happened?" Kirsten said.
I smiled at the thought that Kenny was still holding on to that pact that whenever we talked, as long as it involved only the two of us, no one can fish anything from us.
"Don't just smile at us Jillette!"Angela frustratingly said.
I giggled, "Sorry girls, I'm not talking!"
"Jill!!!" they both begged, "Please!!!"
Someone knocked on our window. It was Diddy.
Angela opened the window.
"Girls what are you waiting for? We're here already! Come on down! People are waiting!" he announced.
"Yeah Sean, go ahead, we'll follow! I'm just going to fix up!" I said.
Sean looked at me curiously, "You? Recheck your make-up? You hardly do that!"
"I do so!" I defended myself.
"Whatever you say!" Sean said as he left us and walked with his entourage.
"See! Even Sean notices the difference in you. First your looks, now you recheck your look?You're not Blade!" Angela said
I waved her off, "I do so! Stop being on my case already!"
Kirsten fixed my necklace, "For your information, I do the rechecking! Not you!"
I sighed in annoyance. These two were getting on my nerves already.
I positioned myself so that I could go down the car already, I was in between the two so I stood up, sat on Angela's lap and reached out for the lock.
"Aray ko!(ouch!)" she complained.
"Sorry girls! Im going!" I said as I tried to open the door.

"Jill!!!" Tin shrieked.
I opened the door with all my might , then turned to her irritatedly, "Whaaattt???"

Then I heard a male voice from outside groan in pain, "Ouch!!!"

I looked outside.
"Oh my gosh!!!" I shrieked."Kenny!"
***
"Ouch!"
I was all ready to knock on their door and invite them in already.
Ignoring the boys hoot's and hollers, I approached the car.
Just when I was about to knock already, I felt something stab me on my stomach down to my legs.

"Oh my gosh!!!Kenny!!!" I shrieked. I immediately got out of the car and checked on him.
He looked okay but I wanted to make sure he was alright.
"Are you alright? I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I said.
Angela and Kirsten had already alighted from the car and looked with concern.

I looked at Jill, who looked really concerned at me.
I don't know how it happened but the pain slowly subsided as I looked at her.
"Yeah, yeah Jill, I'm alright! Don't worry about me, that's just a door!"
Angela and Kirsten had this amused look on their faces.
"You gotta excuse her Kenny, she's just really out of it today!" Kirsten said, "Jet lag!"
"No worries!" I said to her, "Hey it's nice seeing you again, I wasn't able to greet you last night. Got too busy!"
"Oh that's fine! It's nice seeing you again too!" Kirsten politely said.
Nicky, Steve, Gabe and Edward approached us and checked out what happened.
"Hey dude, you alright?" Gabe asked.
"Yeah man! I'm alright!It isn't the first time it happened to me."

Kirsten,Steve and Edward were giggling when they heard what Kenny said. It was true. That wasnt the first time it happened to him,and it wasn't the first time that I was the one who caused it.
Steve started humming "Memories!"
Kenny nudged him, then looked at me, "So are we just going to stand here or what? Let's go in already!"
"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked.
Kenny smiled and patted me on the shoulder, "I'm perfectly fine!"
"Alright! Then let's go then!" I said.

The guys started walking ahead of us, then the girls, then Jill and I walked beside each other.
Just like old times.
I didn't know if this was the right venue to remind her of things, but if I wanted to be the one to start working on our friendship, then I had to take the risk.

"Just like old times huh?" I asked

She nodded, "Yeah!Just like old times!"

I was about to ask another question when Joan caught up with us and made us hurry to go inside.
Someone called on Kirsten's mobile that made the girls hurry up inside. Something about an MTV greeting.
I looked at Nicky, "Denise doing it?"
He shook his head, "Nah! I heard it's Katherine!"
"Good!" I said.
I wasnt ready to see Denise again. Much more with my childhood sweetheart.

Since we got in, I've been going around and talking to people, that I haven't had the chance to mingle with Kenny and the guys. I saw Vanness and Jimmy come in, but I couldn't even come up and say hi because Sean wanted me behind him.
When we passed by their table, I could only wave at the two guys then continued trailing Sean.
I needed to pee so bad that in the middle of Sean's introduction of some of his friends in Taiwan, I excused myself to go to the restroom.

Denise arrived but she looked like she was in a hurry.
I didn't know what to do so I went to the restroom near the exit and watched from there if she was going out already.
Nicky and Stanley were picking on me, but I didn't care.
I was watching Jill go around too. I couldn't take my eyes off her.
I've seen her bloom on newspapers and magazines, but it was different seeing the real thing.

"Kenny! What are you doing there hiding from the people!"

I guess I got too mesmerized that I didn't realize she was heading for the restroom.

"Huh? Oh nothing, just wanted to be away from the people for a while!" I said as I scrambled to fix myself.

"Yeah right!What are you up to?" she teased me.

"Nothing! I Swear!"

"Yeah alright! Whatever you say!" she said in a singsong voice as she made her way to go in the female restroom.

"Hey Jill! Wait" I said as I let go of the mens room door and went out already.


I looked back when he called me.

"I forgot to tell you, you look really nice tonight," he said to me with a sincere smile.

"Thank you! You too...you look...good," I said

He smiled again, then looked at me, "Save a dance for me later?"

I nodded, "Sure no problem! But are you sure no one will stab me from the back if they see me dancing with you?"
I was teasing him and fishing at the same time.
"Dont worry, you'll be safe," he assured, "Trust me!"

He waved at me and smiled as he walked back towards the party area.

I looked back and saw her smiling at me before she went back in the restroom.