Chapter 8:Getting it together and keeping it real somehow

With all the hoopla going around during the party, Jill and I never had the chance to dance.
Disappointed as I was that it didn't happen, I was also relieved.
I was afraid that an awkward moment might come out of that dance, memories of our past in California would come flooding back to her, and it was just going to ruin her mood.
I know she still has a lot of resentments towards me, she just doesn't know how to say it.
That thing at the pool was just an appetizer.
She's just putting all that at the back of her mind right now, but I know at some point, one of us would initiate "The Talk"

We did get to exchange numbers right after the party, but that was it.
I never had the guts to dial her number or send her a message.
Not that I was being chicken to reach out to her, but she was just too busy.
The past two days, if she wasn't in some mall promoting her album, she was off to some talk show.
Not that I was monitoring her activities, it's just that she's everywhere.
Why am I being defensive?

I almost jumped when someone knocked on my door.
"Who is it?" I asked.
"Kenny! Time to go! Your call time is at 9:00!" Joan said as she opened the door to my room. She suddenly looked alarmed, "Whats wrong?"
"You sure? You look pale. Are you sure you're alright?" she fussed over me.
"Quit fussing over me. I'm alright. I just got a little surprised with the way you knocked, that's all," I replied.
She smiled knowingly at me, "Been daydreaming again huh?"
"No," I said almost in a squeak.
Theres just no hiding stuff with this woman.
Or I'm just too transparent.
Whatever it is, I know I just cant hide what I'm really thinking when it's our road manager who notices the differences in my actions.

"Better be downstairs in 5 minutes or Jeff might blow his top! Gabe's awake already! He's going with you," she said as she gently placed a stack of magazines on the couch near the door, "Oh yeah, this might not be advisable to bring to the shoot," she said with a wink.

It was the first day of my Coke Light ad with her.
We were supposed to be working with some artists but they were doing it in groups first before the whole all-star gimmick.
The management decided on pairing the two of us up first before she worked with the others because they could see that we looked like we have good chemistry.
Even when Vickie was included in the line up.
Much to the chargin of Kenny-Vickie fans who have been rooting for us since rumors started that the two of us we're going out, scared that having Blade as my partner would screw things up between Vickie and me.

If they only knew.

Before I left Jeffrey gave me a piece of his mind, "I know you're nervous about all this, but this isn't the moment to screw up and let your issues haunt you. I'm pretty sure she's just going to take everything in stride and work as if you two dont have a past. The time will come that you will finally get to talk. Don't force it ok?

I couldn't help but feel grateful that Jeff was sensitive about this stuff.

"So now that she's here, are you still going on a break after all your commitments?" he joked.

I smiled at him,

"You might want to be a graciuous host and invite her for dinner later if she doesn't have any commitment after the shoot," he suggested

.
But that was walking on dangerous territory.

"Hey Mr.Daydreamer, we're here already. Better get ready because you're 15 minutes late already, you might get Blade irritated again," Gabe said as he literally pulled me out of the van.

I just smirked, "Let her wait, a superstar needs to wait at some point in her life."
Knowing that girl, she's probably late too. She's not exactly the poster girl for punctuality.
She was in detention several times because of her constant tardiness.
Joan just rolled her eyes at me and motioned me to walk faster.

When I walked in the studio, everyone was minding their own business, arranging the supposed setting of the commercial. The production assistants whisked me off to the dressing room, mumbling that it was a good thing the director was doing a conference call with the Coke Light execs.

Surrounded with production people I wasn't able to see if Blade was around already.

Oh well, I'll see her later.

***
I know I'm not the poster girl for punctuality but eversince I got into this business I try my best to always be on time when I have shows and appointments.
It irritates me when a co-worker is late and he wouldn't even be apologetic for it.
I'd appreciate it if you call in ahead of the supposed call time to tell the staff that you're going to be late but don't just be late and appear at work acting like nothing happened and you didn't interrupt the work schedule.
That's why whenever I rant about someone about his or her punctuality, Kirsten doesn't dare bring up the fact that as Jill, punctuality isn't my best asset.
They know I have a different personality when I'm Blade.
I wouldn't even care if you're the biggest person in the industry.

Fifteen minutes after Kenny arrived , the director assembled the whole production crew and the cast for a pep talk.
He talked about doing our best to make this project a success, being professional and reminded us to have fun.
He called the choreographer, the writer and the dancers so thay they could present the storyline and teach us the moves.
Amidst all this, Kenny was trying to catch my attention, but he wasn't getting any from me.
The director took the people he called aside first and left the two of us in the middle.
I was trying to avoid his gaze, I could feel that he was looking at me.
He walked towards me, and nudged me, "Hey! Woke up on the wrong side of the bed? You look cranky today."
I shot him a deadly look.
"I slept and woke up fine thankyouverymuch Mr.Chou, I hope you did too because you surely look like it. I just hope you don't oversleep the next time and be punctual. Please!"
"Whoa whoa! Dont breathe fire on me! You're not exactly the most punctual person on this earth Miss Esguerra!" he answered.
"Well right now I'm Blade, the rap princess. I'm professional and try my best to always be on time for my appointments," I shot back.
I saw the director pointing the choreographer to us and mouthing "Rehearse the steps!"
I turned my back to him and walked to where the choreographer was .
"Lets get to work."
***
Poor Kenny!
He was greeted by Blade, not Jill.
The rap princess wasn't exactly in the best of moods when he talked to her.
We saw the whole thing unravel.
It was like watching an old home video of them bickering at the smallest of things.
"Things never change, ten years of separation and they're still at it," I said when Jill walked out on Kenny.
Kirsten laughed."Think they'll patch up on their own and wont need you?"
"Darn! I hope so!" I said, "They're grown ups now, they'll be able to handle this."

When we were younger, we knew this two had something special going on.
Even when we were just kids, their closeness was different from the bond they shared with us.
We knew somehow, someway, someday, they would end up together or at least be a couple at one point in their life
The intensity of their love for each other was as intense as their squabbles that they would bicker at any given chance.
Being kids, their pride was as high as the Empire State building and would claim that their friendship is over, that they weren't going to talk to each other anymore, and that they don't know each other.
Of course, that's just bullshit.
They wouldn't talk to each other but their eyes would tell how much they miss each other.
Since my house was in between their houses, I would always end up being the middle man.
Geographically and figuratively. Sometimes even literally coz there were times when an issue would sprout up and I would be standing in between them.
When things were too tough for them to tackle, I come in.When their pride comes in between them, I do the talking. When they're simply just being unreasonable, I try to be the voice of reason.

Tough job! Especially when the people you're taking care of is as stubborn as Kenny and Jill.
It's a good thing I managed to have a life of my own when all of us we're still living in the same street.
With the two of them around and constantly bickering at each other, it's a miracle I managed to get out of the house once in a while.

The rewarding part about is when they make up. Seeing the smiles on their faces makes it all worth it.
And of course , my privacy.
When they make up, they leave me alone.

Kirsten and I were intently observing as they were rehearsing the dance steps. Jill was completely ignoring him and just following the choreographers instructions while Kenny was making an attempt to lead the dance steps everytime Jill committed a blunder.

When they called for a break, Kristen nudged me, "Someone's out to get you!"
"Uh-oh!"
I smiled at the two, "Hey guys, doing a good job!"
Jill smiled at me then sat on the chair beside me. Kenny just stood there, doing the steps.
"You alright? You look pissed?" I asked Jill.
"That guy!!!" she pointed, "How could he have grown up into a ...a.....grrrrrrr"
I laughed, "Deja vu! Deja vu!"
The director called her over, and when she left the seat, it was Kenny who took over.
"Okay Mr Chou, what's your case?"
"Geez! Such a big head! So what if I was late for 15 minutes.. she didn't have to bite my head off," Kenny mumbled.
"Dude you gotta understand, you're working with Blade, not Jill. Somehow there's a personality change once she enters her workplace."
"Still...Fifteen minutes!"
I didn't know what to say anymore.
I'm rusty already.

"Time is gold!" I nonchalantly said.

Kenny glared at me.
"Dude, choreographer calling you!" I said as I diverted his attention away from me.
He mischievously smiled at me, "You think I should just go ahead and kiss her?"
"Dude, its 2005, not 1995! That ain't going to work anymore!"

When they did finally make it official when Jill was 11 and Kenny 15,everytime Jill wasn't in the mood and would practically bite off Kenny's head, he would try to appease her by kissing her and it always was effective.

But he couldn't do that now.
It was like asking for a headache to come.
"Go come up with something else, just not that!" I suggested as he stood up and walked to where the rehearsal was going on.
***
I cant ruin the day just because we had a little spat.

Of course even if I was pissed at him, I had to work with him and I knew sometime today I had to talk to him or at least pretend we got along.
Specially when VJ Andy arrives and the Coke management will start shooting the behind the scenes clips for their special DVD.
But I can't pretend that I'm okay working with him right now.
I had to lower my pride and be the bigger person or this will affect my work.

I heard a knock on my door and i turned to my two companions, knocked out on the couches.Sometimes i wonder who's more exhausted with the whole tour thing, them or me.So much for giving the wardrobe crew a day off.I stood up and opened the door, and the sight of Kenny,standing in front of the door,holding a handwritten "I'm Sorry" sign almost made my knees give way and eant to hug the heck out of him but im not going to make it easy for him of course.Which was actually hard to do with him looking at me with those pleading eyes.

"I know i've been an ass, and for the sake of everyone's sanity, including mine and yours, can we call it a truce?"
"You promise not to be late?"
"Can you give me an allowance?"
"Im sure Jeffrey wont tolerate your tardiness"
"He does and he gives me at least 5 minutes tops"
"Well Mr Chou, if Jeff gives you 5 minutes, you've taken all three work days today!You're under probation!We haved 2 more days of shooting the ad, show me you''ll be punctual for the next 2 days and everything will be a-ok.
"Seriously now, we havent seen each other in 10 years, and you cut me out for the next 2 days for being late!who knows when we will see each other again"
"Dont give me that crap Kenny!And please...dont bring that aspect of our life at work,everything will just be drama if you do that!Lets just be professional please!Now if you'll excuse me i hear Jeff calling us already!"
I sure didnt expect that to come from him.
Oh well Blade!Shrug that off first and get back to work.
***
"Okay okay guys final run through please!WE gotta wrap up!Blade still has a show in Kao shiong tomorrow !We have to let her rest!"Jeff hollered as the choreographer was wrapping up the dance sequence for the Kenny and Blade ad for the Coke Light campaign.
"Huh?Didnt we have a shoot tomorrow?"Jill asked.
"Shooting has to be moved the day after!Dont you worry your manager has been informed of that"Joan said.
"Oh alright!Where is he anyway?"
"He's at Kaoshiong already!Doing his own promo!"Joan replied.
The choreographer called me over and instructed me to stand behind Jill then he asked Jill to lean on me, with her head to my chest.
I knew it and i felt it that she was feeling uncomfortable with our position especially after that confrontation before we headed back to rehearsals but i guess she was just being professional and not making fuss of the compromising situation we were in.
The choreographer asked me to turn my head towards Jill's neck and he made her brush aside her hair to make it look like that i was going to kiss her neck.
I was holding on to her shoulders as well and i could sense the tension on her shoulder.
"Hao le!Hao le!Very good!So realistic!If you didnt meet just a few days ago, i would think you were lovers in your past!"the choreographer told us in Mandarin not minding that Jill was still struggling with her mandarin.I sure hope she doesnt ask me to translate that!"
I smiled at him and Jill turne to Jeff asking what he said.
Jeff smirked"He said you guys look like lovers in the past!And from my stand point it seems like it!Dude he just wrapped up rehearsals and you're still holding on to each other!"
I looked at where my hand was, it was still holding her hand and the minute we both noticed,she broke off from my hand.
"So am i done?"she asked
"Yes you are!"Jeff replied,"You still have something to do?"
"Ummm...i wanna hit the sack early!Im exhausted!"she told Jeff."Can i be excused?"
"Sure,no problem!"
She ran back to her dressing room and JEff walked up to me."Come on dude!You're not going to accomplish anything today when it comes to reconnecting with her.You messed it up today!Lets just go!"/
"Tell me dude, am i trying too hard?Why cant she be comfortable with me again?She's ok with you, she's ok with the guys, why not me?"
Nicky approached us."Dude!Just give it a rest for now man!You're forcing the situation!You'll get your chance!
Jill, Kristen and Angela walked out of the dressing room, carrying their stuff.Joan approached them and offered to help.Jill refused, "Thanks Joan!but we can manage!"
"You sure!"Joan asked
"Yeah thanks!"
The girls approached us and said goodbye,giving each of us a hug.
Jill approached me and i didnt know if i was going to give her a hug or not.I just waited for her next move.
She gave me a tap on the shoulders and smiled."See you Chou!" and walked off with the girls.
"What the..."
Jeff and Nicky laughed."At least she acknowledged you,man!"
All i got was a tap!A freaking tap!
Without a word, i ran to the parking lot to try one more time but unfortunately they were gone.
***

Chapter 7

Music by: Jojo- Weak

Trying to rekindle our friendship is like having a concert and getting full support from the people around us. You know you have a lot of people behind you, willing to be with you and willing to go through anything just to help you achieve your goal, but at the end of everything, when the smoke has cleared, all the blame or credit will go to you, the main artist.

Or in our case, the both of us.

That is if we both want the same thing.

Problem is I don't know what I want anymore.

Before it was all simple, reunite with her and pick up where we left off.
But with the way things are, I don't think it's possible anymore.

I have Vickie, she has DMX.

Jill's a very special girl and will always hold a special place in my heart.
But whatever we had is all in the past now, I've moved on.
She's my past, Vickie is my future.
And from the way I've observed things the past two days, I'm sure she has moved on too.
She always looks happy whenever DMX calls.

All I have to do now is tell these stuff to her.
Even though other people might think there's no need for an explanation, I know I need to do this.
For closure.
To avoid thinking that I have unfinished business with her.
And this is what my mind is telling me.

But how do you tell someone you loved for fifteen years of your life that you've moved on and you just want to be friends, when deep in your heart you know that your heart is aching for her. That everytime you see her, you just want to run to her and give her a hug. That everytime you listen to her struggle with her Mandarin, all you want to do is sit near her and help her out.

"Dude!!! Snap out of your coma! I'm telling you, how could you get back to the way you were, when you guys have not had a decent conversation since she arrived."

Did I just say everybody was willing to support me through all of this?
Ladies and Gentlemen, Nicky Lee, my voice of reason. Sometimes.

"We can only do so much Kenny. If you dont do anything, then what's the point of supporting you and chiding you to go talk to her. This is all going to be up to you."

See what I mean?

Our conversation was interrupted when my phone rang.
It was Jeffrey.
"We're coming!!! Just got stuck in traffic!" I said as I answered.
It was the day after Blade's arrival and Bad Boy arranged a party to celebrate Blade's arrival on Asian soil and the merger of Bad Boy and Asiatix.
Jeff was nervous about the event, he wanted to please Diddy, he's been a nervous wreck this morning and we weren't helping the situation since we were already running late.
"Hurry up then! The press people are here already!" Jeff said.
"Calm down Jeff, that's just the press, we dont really have to impress them. I'm worried about Diddy and Blade, are they there yet?" I asked.
"Nope! Your princess has not arrived yet!" Jeff answered.
"Shhh! Someone might hear you!" I hissed.
"Who will? I'm in the car!" Jeff replied, "Just hurry up already!"
"We're comin man! Hold your horses!" Nicky shouted into the earpiece.

"Ey guys, can we pass by 7-11 first, I'm getting hungry!" Edward pleaded from the very back seat of the van.
"No can do Ed! Jeff's losing hair by the minute already!" Nicky answered.
"You ate before we left! How could you be hungry again!" I asked, "No wonder you've lost your six pack!"
"Ey!!! I'm a growing boy! Besides, I lost some of the weight already!" Ed protested, "I don't dream of letting my nipples dance on tv anyway so its fine! That's your job!"
Gabe, Steven, Nicky and Ed burst out laughing, while I had this dumbfounded look on my face.
Later on, I found myself laughing with them, and Nicky and Steve were staring at me.

"What the... is there dirt on my face, I laugh with you guys and you just stare at me?"I asked.
Steven smiled, "Nothing, I just noticed something different tonight. You look relaxed man, your smile looks genuine, and your eyes are twinkling."
What are these guys saying?
"Yeah man, the past few days you looked so stressed and uptight... you look so.... so.... sunshiney today!" Nicky replied.

Sunshiney??? Where the heck did he get that word???

"Are you guys turning gay on me?" I asked

All four of them gave me deadly glares and gave me the middle finger
"You wish, Chou!" Ed hollered.
"Can't you accept a compliment? Geez!!!"Steven said
"A thank you would be enough," Nicky mumbled and rolled his eyes.
"You're not pretty enough!" Gabe retorted.

"Then whats with the comments!!!"

"Coz that's how we see you right now!" Nicky exasperatedly said.

"So before, I didn't look happy to you guys? Didn't look like someone who can brighten up your day?" I asked.

"Well, at least to us you didn't...your fans don't know how your looks changed over the years... and how the Kenny look we used to know is coming back now..." Steven answered.
"Jill really has a different effect on you!" Nicky said.
I scowled at him.
"Dont scowl at me, man. I know you got your mind set on Vickie, but the heart is saying a different thing. It's just up to you! Mind over heart or heart over mind!" Nicky said as he thumped me on the chest.

"Dude, we're curious. What really happened at the poolside yesterday?"Steven asked.

Nosy big men!

I didn't tell them what happened at the poolside yesterday.
I don't know if it still stands, but Jill and I made a pact before.
Whatever happens between us, or whatever we talk about, not unless other people are directly involved, will be kept between the two of us only. It was our way of making people stop meddling with our friendship.

I smiled at them. "It's for the two of us to know, and for you guys to find out!"

Nicky smirked, "Well i guess we're going to find out now!"

"Huh?"

He pointed at the driveway going to the venue's parking lot. P.Diddy and his bodyguards were walking to the entrance, while another car was following them, and I could see from the silhouette that it was the girls.

I smirked at Nicky, "You wish!"

I knew Jill wasn't going to give in to Nicky.
Or to anyone.
Specially when it came to our affairs

"Ey ey!Don't go down yet!" Nicky hollered, "Kenny!!!"

They keep on telling me I should go talk to her, that I should make the first move.
Well, I'm going to do it now!

Here I go!!!
***
"Will you two stop staring at me like that!"

I don't usually get conscious when people look at me. I've gotten used to people scrutinizing me from the stage, but these two, my own friends are giving me the creeps. They've been at it since I got out of my bedroom, and now we're a few meters away from the party venue.

"There's really something different in the way you look tonight."

"Probably just the make-up" I dismissed, "I used a different color for my blush and eye makeup"

Kirsten shook her head."No, that's not it!"

"The outfit?"Angela asked, "But no...we're used to seeing her in this kinds of wardrobe."

"Would you two just stop it! What's different with my torn jeans and tank top? I know it's been a while since I wore a bandanna, but I'm sure it doesn't make me look any different?"

The two sighed and started mumbling.

"What are you two up to?" I suspiciously asked them.

"Nothing! You don't get it anyway," Angela answered.
"Yeah! We didn't know seeing Kenny would make your brain cells rot!"

"What the..."
"We've been trying to fish from you since last night and you haven't been talking!"
"What happened at the poolside? We're dying to know! We asked the boys and Kenny won't talk."
I laughed at the two. They looked really desperate to get information from me, "That's what you get for being nosy!
"Wellll....what happened?" Kirsten said.
I smiled at the thought that Kenny was still holding on to that pact that whenever we talked, as long as it involved only the two of us, no one can fish anything from us.
"Don't just smile at us Jillette!"Angela frustratingly said.
I giggled, "Sorry girls, I'm not talking!"
"Jill!!!" they both begged, "Please!!!"
Someone knocked on our window. It was Diddy.
Angela opened the window.
"Girls what are you waiting for? We're here already! Come on down! People are waiting!" he announced.
"Yeah Sean, go ahead, we'll follow! I'm just going to fix up!" I said.
Sean looked at me curiously, "You? Recheck your make-up? You hardly do that!"
"I do so!" I defended myself.
"Whatever you say!" Sean said as he left us and walked with his entourage.
"See! Even Sean notices the difference in you. First your looks, now you recheck your look?You're not Blade!" Angela said
I waved her off, "I do so! Stop being on my case already!"
Kirsten fixed my necklace, "For your information, I do the rechecking! Not you!"
I sighed in annoyance. These two were getting on my nerves already.
I positioned myself so that I could go down the car already, I was in between the two so I stood up, sat on Angela's lap and reached out for the lock.
"Aray ko!(ouch!)" she complained.
"Sorry girls! Im going!" I said as I tried to open the door.

"Jill!!!" Tin shrieked.
I opened the door with all my might , then turned to her irritatedly, "Whaaattt???"

Then I heard a male voice from outside groan in pain, "Ouch!!!"

I looked outside.
"Oh my gosh!!!" I shrieked."Kenny!"
***
"Ouch!"
I was all ready to knock on their door and invite them in already.
Ignoring the boys hoot's and hollers, I approached the car.
Just when I was about to knock already, I felt something stab me on my stomach down to my legs.

"Oh my gosh!!!Kenny!!!" I shrieked. I immediately got out of the car and checked on him.
He looked okay but I wanted to make sure he was alright.
"Are you alright? I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I said.
Angela and Kirsten had already alighted from the car and looked with concern.

I looked at Jill, who looked really concerned at me.
I don't know how it happened but the pain slowly subsided as I looked at her.
"Yeah, yeah Jill, I'm alright! Don't worry about me, that's just a door!"
Angela and Kirsten had this amused look on their faces.
"You gotta excuse her Kenny, she's just really out of it today!" Kirsten said, "Jet lag!"
"No worries!" I said to her, "Hey it's nice seeing you again, I wasn't able to greet you last night. Got too busy!"
"Oh that's fine! It's nice seeing you again too!" Kirsten politely said.
Nicky, Steve, Gabe and Edward approached us and checked out what happened.
"Hey dude, you alright?" Gabe asked.
"Yeah man! I'm alright!It isn't the first time it happened to me."

Kirsten,Steve and Edward were giggling when they heard what Kenny said. It was true. That wasnt the first time it happened to him,and it wasn't the first time that I was the one who caused it.
Steve started humming "Memories!"
Kenny nudged him, then looked at me, "So are we just going to stand here or what? Let's go in already!"
"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked.
Kenny smiled and patted me on the shoulder, "I'm perfectly fine!"
"Alright! Then let's go then!" I said.

The guys started walking ahead of us, then the girls, then Jill and I walked beside each other.
Just like old times.
I didn't know if this was the right venue to remind her of things, but if I wanted to be the one to start working on our friendship, then I had to take the risk.

"Just like old times huh?" I asked

She nodded, "Yeah!Just like old times!"

I was about to ask another question when Joan caught up with us and made us hurry to go inside.
Someone called on Kirsten's mobile that made the girls hurry up inside. Something about an MTV greeting.
I looked at Nicky, "Denise doing it?"
He shook his head, "Nah! I heard it's Katherine!"
"Good!" I said.
I wasnt ready to see Denise again. Much more with my childhood sweetheart.

Since we got in, I've been going around and talking to people, that I haven't had the chance to mingle with Kenny and the guys. I saw Vanness and Jimmy come in, but I couldn't even come up and say hi because Sean wanted me behind him.
When we passed by their table, I could only wave at the two guys then continued trailing Sean.
I needed to pee so bad that in the middle of Sean's introduction of some of his friends in Taiwan, I excused myself to go to the restroom.

Denise arrived but she looked like she was in a hurry.
I didn't know what to do so I went to the restroom near the exit and watched from there if she was going out already.
Nicky and Stanley were picking on me, but I didn't care.
I was watching Jill go around too. I couldn't take my eyes off her.
I've seen her bloom on newspapers and magazines, but it was different seeing the real thing.

"Kenny! What are you doing there hiding from the people!"

I guess I got too mesmerized that I didn't realize she was heading for the restroom.

"Huh? Oh nothing, just wanted to be away from the people for a while!" I said as I scrambled to fix myself.

"Yeah right!What are you up to?" she teased me.

"Nothing! I Swear!"

"Yeah alright! Whatever you say!" she said in a singsong voice as she made her way to go in the female restroom.

"Hey Jill! Wait" I said as I let go of the mens room door and went out already.


I looked back when he called me.

"I forgot to tell you, you look really nice tonight," he said to me with a sincere smile.

"Thank you! You too...you look...good," I said

He smiled again, then looked at me, "Save a dance for me later?"

I nodded, "Sure no problem! But are you sure no one will stab me from the back if they see me dancing with you?"
I was teasing him and fishing at the same time.
"Dont worry, you'll be safe," he assured, "Trust me!"

He waved at me and smiled as he walked back towards the party area.

I looked back and saw her smiling at me before she went back in the restroom.

Chapter 6: Of hissy fits and accidental meetings..

Music by: Frankie J- We Still

Kai Bu Liao Kou (Can't Open Mouth) - Jay Chou

Want to sing the songs?

"Where is everybody??? Kirsten, where's Angela??? Can someone remind that lady that we're in Taiwan and not in New York... she doesn't know the place for pete's sake! I don't want to have a casualty on the first day of my tour..."

P.Diddy having a fit?
Hell no!
That's Blade, the rap princess throwing a hissy fit.

Unfortunately, I was the only one around to listen to all her gripes.

We had just arrived at the hotel and everyone was off doing something for the tour.

Angela, on the other hand, got sidetracked by Edward and Nicky at the hotel lobby.
Actually it was the two of us, but I decided to accompany Jill to the hotel room instead.

Her first encounter with Kenny after years of being separated wasn't exactly fairy tale material. Both on-cam and off cam.
Of course she couldn't take out his frustrations on him or vent out in full view of her fans, so she controlled all surge of emotions on the way home, and now, here she is, ranting like a mad woman.

"Hey!!! Would you calm down? Angela's just in the convenience store across the hotel!"
Okay, thats a lie, but do you think it will make her feel better if I told her Angela was with Kenny's crew.
"She's a grown up Jill, I'm sure she can manage herself," I followed up.

"Well can you blame me? It's all our first time here! Of course I'm going to be worried."
"Jill...will you look outside, everywhere we go, were surrounded by big burly bodyguards... you think someone would even think of doing something bad to us?" I reminded her, "Calm down Jill! Everything's going to be fine!"
"How is it going to be fine??? Did you see how Kenny winked at me earlier? Did you notice the cockiness in him while you guys were making small talk at the parking lot? That's not Kenny!That's a walking bloated ego!"
I looked away and shook my head while wearing a silly grin.
It finally came out.
This wasn't about one of us getting lost, it was about Kenny!
"Hey why are you looking away? I know you're laughing at me! This isn't a laughing matter Kirsten! He's changed!" she ranted.
I turned towards her, "He isn't the only one Jill, he isn't the only one."
Her mouth dropped as if I said that her fly was open since this morning, "Excuse me!!!"
"It's been a long time Jill, of course things would change, you weren't around to see all the changes in him. Stop looking at him as the 15 year old kid you fell in love with. It's Andrew who you gotta hang out with if you're looking for the Kenny you used to know!"
She fell quiet.
I think I got her there.
Someone's got to take this person out of 1995.

"Besides, don't you like the spunk and tinge of conceitedness in him? That's what made you like him right?"
"Yiiieeeahhhhhhhhhh..." That was a long affirmation, "But years ago it was cute, now it irritates me."
"Jill, it's been years!!! It's your first meeting after so many years of being away, you just got to get used to it again."

I was expecting some more verbal lashing, but it was all quiet.

She yawned. The type of yawn that you force to come out, "Jetlag settling in," she said.
"Go take a nap first! You need all the energy for tomorrow," I said.

She went off to her room without a word.

The suite door opened.
It was Angela.
"Pssttt...where's our little princess?" she hissed.
"Sleeping...according to her," I hissed, "What took you guys so long?S he's been ranting like a maniac since we arrived."
"Coffee shop! Wanted to catch up. They actually remembered," she beamed.
I smiled, "Thats good to know!"
"How is she though?" she asked, referring to Blade.
"I honestly don't know. I don't think she took the first meeting lightly. Too many things on her head, too many expectations."
"Too many resentments?" Angela asked.
"Probably," I said, "Did they say how Kenny took it?"
"They didn't, but Ed said they needed to get away from him right now, so I guess it wasn't good too."
We both sighed.
"Oh yeah... they asked permission if they could go up here later?"
"What did you say?"
"Uhhh...sure!"
"Ange!!! We made an agreement on the plane! We're not going to meddle anymore. Let them work this out remember?"
"Cool it!" she said, "This isn't just about Kenny and Jill, this is all about the lost years of friendship."

She had a point.

"Oh okay...whatever you say..."

We both turned toward Jill's room when we heard the door open.
She was dressed to go out.
"What the heck?" Angela said.
"I thought you were going to sleep!"

She didn't speak, she just walked out of the suite.

We ran after her, and saw her bargaining with Sean's security staff.

"Jill where are you going? Are you crazy?"
"Hey! Whats' with the bargaining? I thought you were worried about us getting lost."

We saw the security nod their heads and let het her go.

I turned to one of Sean's security. "What the heck??? Why did you let her go?"

"She said she needed to be alone, she was just going to walk around the hotel," he simply said.
"Ay diosko! Where did Sean get his staff? Timbuktu??? Ang lalake naintimidate kay Jill" (My god! Where did Sean get his staff? Timbuktu??? They're so big and yet they get intimidated at Jill")
I giggled. When one of us starts to talk in Tagalog, you know something strange had just happened.
Angela took me by the hand and urged me to be quick.
"Come on! We gotta get there to see things unfold."
"What!?!?!"
"Nicky just messaged me."
I cant believe this person. She should be Jill's PR person. Less than 12 hours in Taiwan, she reconnected already with Nicky.
"Kenny's downstairs!!! Jeff has a meeting with Sean at the restaurant!"
"Kenny with them at the meeting?"
Angela shook her head, "They refused to take him home, so he's down there sulking."

"Oh my gosh!!!"
***
We knew we were in trouble when we ran into Jeff and Kenny at the lobby.

Jeff knew what we were up to, but Kenny's eyebrows were raised up to his temples when he saw us.
We didn't dare explain to him, we knew he wasn't in a good mood to listen.
Thank heavens we went out of there in separate cars.
With Jeff as his only companion in the car, we knew he wouldn't dare throw a hissy fit.

But what scared us more was when Jeff told us he would leave Kenny with us while he went off to a meeting with P.Diddy.
Edward suggested we stay in the lobby, to avoid Kenny lashing out at us in public.
"Thats too public! Fans would see him! And he damn looks like he isn't in the mood to mingle with fans! Coffee shop?" I suggested.

We weren't trying to make small talk.
We didn't know what to say to him.

"Are you guys okay?"he asked.
Both of us looked up, "Huh?"
He smirked, "Dont worry guys, I'm not the least bit pissed off with what happened."
We sighed in relief.
"I guess the mix of emotions just got to me. I was anxious that she was arriving, hoping that we would run into each other, surprised that she actually was Aziatix newest artist...
Someone tapped us from behind, "Talking about me?"
"Gabe!!!" three of us said.
"Where the heck did you come from?" I asked, "Whats with the bags?"
"Airport! Jae told me to meet up with you guys here..." He turned to Kenny, "So how did the meeting with your childhood sweetheart go?"
"You knew about that?" Kenny asked.
"Why do you think I agreed to commute from the airport to here. It's because of her! They said you guys were going to be busy that you wouldn't have enough time to pick me up," he said as he settled himself on the couch.
"Sorry about that man..." Kenny said.
"Its all good dude! So...what happened?" he asked.
"Both of them got into each others nerves!" Edward said.
Gabe laughed, "Just like old times huh! Getting into each others nerves, but can't manage to be away from each other."
"Not this time around!" Kenny said softly, "We just got into each others nerves, and didn't manage to have a decent welcome-back-to-each-others-lives conversation."
"That sucks!" Gabe said.
"I know!" Kenny said, then sighed, "Fame has changed her, became a snob, aloof... she's not the same Jill I used to know."
"But isn't that the same traits that made you like her?" Edward asked.
"Kenny...it's been almost a decade since you last saw each other... what do you expect? She wasn't even past puberty when you left!" I pointed out, "And excuse me for saying this, she's the bigger star... all eyes are on her... you can't just expect her to run to you and hug you and be all chummy with you. As if you didn't know this kind of set up... it's just like being with Vickie..."
He glared at me.
"You talk too much!" he said.
"Ohhh...struck a chord there!" I teased.
Edward and Gabe glared at me.
I was really talking too much.
"Shut it Nicky, you might not make it to your album launch a complete human being if you don't shut up!" Edward mumbled.
Kenny stood up, "I think I need some fresh air. You guys are suffocating me!"
"Where you goin?"
"Pool side!" he mumbled as he walked away.
"Lets just let him be." Gabe said.
"Gabe!!!"
We looked towards the door and saw Kirsten and Angela running to Gabe and giving him a hug.
"Hey, why didn't I get a hug like that earlier?" I complained.
Gabe just stuck his tongue out at me.

"Where's Kenny? I thought he was with you?" Kirsten asked.
"Went off to the poolside! Clearing his head," Edward said.
"Oh...my...God!" Angela said.
"Why?" Edward asked.
"Jill went there!" the two girls exclaimed.

Wow!!!

***
So much for solitude... someone had just walked in the pool area.
Oh well this is a public area anyway, if I wanted privacy, I should have gone to the penthouse swimming pool.
I looked at the person who had just entered.

"Kenny!"

Oh wow!Perfect!The place is almost empty.
Except for that lone figure near the cabanas.
I took a second glance at her to see if she recognized me.
I'm not in the mood to make small talk with fans right now.

"Jill!"

And there we were.
As if time stood still.
Kenny and I a few feet away from each other, making eye contact.

I felt like I was in some sappy love story movie.
We were just focused on each other.
As if we weren't hostile with each other at the presscon.

"What are you doing here?"
Man, that was cold.

I smirked."That was cold! You turning into the ice queen now?"

She raised an eyebrow, "What was cold about that? I was just asking you what are you doing here? Don't you have some appointment? Or probably a date with that Vickie girl?"

"Wow! You actually researched about me huh? That's flattering!" I smiled conceitedly.

Someone's getting conceited.

"Not that I wanted to, I just had to," I said. That would put his feet back on the ground.

"Oh yeah... I know...you dont have time for catch up with old friends and find out how their lives had been. You just want to hang-out with your posse!"

"Oh yeah! I'm too busy with my posse to think about my past. But who got busy first? Who was the one busy street dancing and stuff huh?"

"I went off to college and finished a degree in case you didn't know."

"Oh yeah I know, Mr Hotshot! I actually know! What about you? Didn't you even bother to ask about me? I bet I just came back into your brain when I made it big?"

We both stopped.
This was getting nowhere.
We were just voicing out our resentments at each other.

He got something from his pocket.

She fished out something from her purse

It was our picture!
Our last picture together.

I couldnt believe it. The rap princess still kept our picture.

I was touched. He still had it with him.

"I always had it Jill! I didn't forget about you," I said.
She looked up at me.
Her eyes were brimming with tears.

"Me too Kenny. Me too!"she said softly.

We looked at each other and finally, we were looking at each other without any resentment.
It felt like being transported back to 1995.

I wasnt looking at Blade. I was looking at Jill. My bestfriend. The one I loved.

I wasn't looking at Kenny Chou the Rapper. I was looking at my baby boie. My protector. My best friend.

I stepped forward, wanting to envelope her in my arms and welcome her back in my life.

I wanted to step forward, longing for his hug again.

She looked around. Someone was calling her.

His phone rang.

"Wei? Hey Vickie!"

"Blade! Interview! Your room!"

She waved goodbye to me, signalling that she had to go up.

He still had his phone stuck to his ears, he waved back at me.

I looked at her as she walked away.

I didnt dare look back, I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I felt like I was going to burst any minute.
He was watching me walk away, and he wasnt doing anything about it.
Just like before, only this time, I was the one leaving him behind

She was walking away, and I wasn't making a move.
Wasn't it this way ten years ago?
Only the roles were reversed.

Ten years ago we walked away from each other without saying a word.
Without making each other know how they feel.
I had my opportunity to change that now.
I dont know when I'll have my chance again.
It will be a week full of work after this.

"Vickie, I'll call you back. I just need to do something. Aight? Bye!!!" I immediately said as I turned off my phone and called her, "Jill!!!"

He called me. I was afraid to turn.
But I did
"Yeah?" I asked.

I was speechless.
I called her back but then I didn't know what to say.
All I wanted to do was to stop her from walking away.
But I wasn't really sure what I wanted to say.
"Ummm...nothing...it's just good to see you again."

I smiled at him.
"The feeling is mutual!"
***

Chapter 5: Baby Boie reunites with the Princess

Music from the 80s by : Kylie Minouge & Jason Donovan- Especially for You (requested by Budang)
For the First Time- Kenny Logins

I was watching a Friends episode on the cardio room entertainment system when I felt my phone vibrating in my jogging pants pocket. I turned off the treadmill, removed the headphones and fished the phone out of my pockets.

"Kenny Chou speaking!" I hurriedly answered, not bothering to look at the caller display. That was my personal number anyway.

"Kenny! Where are you? You told me you had nothing to do today! I called up your house and Hiro said you weren't there"

It was Jae.

"Didnt I tell you I was going to the gym?" I reminded him.

"Oh yeah right! I'm sorry!" Jae mumbled. "Well anyway are you done? Would it be possible for you to meet up with us at the airport?" he asked.

As much as I wanted to pass up on this one, I sort of committed myself already.
Also, I was the hottest Machi member lately, so whoever it was that was arriving, we had to be properly represented. Translation: Hottest member should pick her up!!!

"Yeah I'm almost done! Can you ask them to pick me up?" I asked.
"Sorry dude! Jeff and the others went ahead already, they had me take care of you, but unfortunately I'm stuck in traffic." Jae said. "Public transport okay with you?"

I sighed.
"Do I have a choice?" I muttered, "Alright alright, I'll just fix myself up and I'll be on my way."

Being the hottest Machi member also meant you would be subjected to humbling activities that would keep your feet on the ground.
Oh I can't wait till Nicky releases his album!

It took me around twenty minutes to take a quick shower, fix myself up and run out of the gym to hail a cab. Good thing someone stopped for me.
Even though I didn't look too fixed up in my runners, jogging pants, the Machi singlet and a hoodie.
Perks of being famous, I hate to admit it, but it is!

On the way there, people would take a second look at the window and wave at me or scream my name. I waved back, of course and gave a curt smile. Every five minutes, Jae or Jeff would check up on me and ask me to hurry up because the plane was scheduled to be landing on the runway in 20 minutes time.

I arrived at the airport and was surprised at the number of media people waiting. I was used to seeing them here, but this was too much. What the heck? CNN? Did I miss out on something? Was someone important arriving.

Oh yeah...Blade is arriving!
Good for us, we wouldn't be hounded too much, all of their focus will be on the other party arriving.

"Kenny!!! Are you here to pick up Blade?" one reporter asked me.
I shook my head and politely smiled at them, discretely laughing at his question.
Though it would be nice to work with Blade and share the same label with her, I knew it was next to impossible.
That would only be possible if she picked me for her collaboration.
It would also be nice if she remembered who I was.

"Yo Kenny! Over here!"
It was Edward, calling me over.
I sighed in relief and ran to where they were.
"Am I late?"
He shook his head, "Flight was delayed."
"Oh!" I said, "Did you see the media outside, it's crazy! Did Blade arrive already?"
Nicky smirked, "Not yet.Flight got delayed," he said
"Flights getting delayed today huh!" I said as I joined Steven on the bench.
I noticed a huge black guy walk up to where we were and approached Jae and Jeff. The two guys shook hands with him.
"That guy is familiar!" I said to nobody.
Steven, Nicky and Edward looked at the direction that I was looking at then all exchanged knowing smiles.

What's going on here?
First they've been acting all jumpy this morning specially when I came in for breakfast, then practically pushed me out of the house when I was about to leave to go to the gym, now they're exchanging knowing smiles as if they're selling me to the Indian trader.
My thoughts were interrupted when Jae and Jeff called us over and asked them to follow them. I walked beside Jeff.
"Okay Jeffrey, what's up? What's with the whole black guy escort thing."
Jeff smirked, "Nothing! Just go with us and you'll find out."
I noticed that some of the Asian journalists were following us and MTV Taiwan VJ Andy. Even CNN.
Okay Andy and the Asian media I could take, for sure they were interested in Aziatix newest artist, but CNN??? Why???

I looked at the black guy again. He really looked familiar!

Oh shoot! Now I know! He's one of P.Diddy's bodyguards who were in the series "Making the Band"

Holy crap! P.Diddy...Machi...where's the connection? I could connect Missy Elliot with Machi, but P.Diddy??? What the heck?

I felt Edward push me a little, "Dude, you're holding up the line! Walk!" he mumbled.

"But there's media people in front of me," I complained.

"Of course! You're about to meet up with Blade, of course there's media people around, for heavens sake!" Nicky said aloud.

"Huh? What did you say?" Kenny asked.

"Shhhh!There she is!" Steven said.

I looked at where I was, I didn't realize we were in the VIP lounge already and we were about to head inside one of the conference rooms. Joan pushed us inside while she was dodging the media people. My brain was still going in circles with what Nicky just blurted out.

Before I knew it, P.Diddy, Blade, and his entourage were all in the room.
I saw Jeff and Jae shaking hands with Diddy and Phil.
He made Blade approach Jae and Jeff.
"It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now," Nicky sang in whispers as he noticed me staring at Jill.
I glared at him.
He just smiled cheekily, "Surprised you didn't we!"
He shoved a bouquet of flowers in my hand, "Go give this to her later!"

I didn't know if I was still in my right mind when Jae called us over and introduced us to Diddy and the rest of the crew.
I could see her two companions look at me and giggle once in a while, then stop when she looked at them.
I came up to her, smiled at her, gave her a peck on the cheek and gave her the bouquet. That peck was pure instinct, I didn't know what was going on in my mind.
She smiled and said, "Thank you!"
Occasionally, I would find myself looking at her, but I looked away when I sensed that she was about to turn my way.

Joan asked us to sit down and settile ourselves since the media people were coming in.
Jeff came up to me, "Liked my surprise?" he asked cheekily.
"Dude, whats up? Could I at least know what's going on?" I hissed at him.
"Relax!" Jeff said, "You'll find out soon!"

I sighed in frustration as he walked away from me and sat beside P.Diddy. The press conference was starting, and I think this is the first press conference that I'm going to be speechless.

"Kenny, can you sit beside Blade please?" Joan asked

Okay.
Standing beside her...I can still do it.
Sitting beside her...I just dont know.

I don't wanna think about the possibilities when we work with each other.
People might think we don't get along if we keep this up.
We dont even look like we had a past together.

Snap out of it Kenny!
Its been 10 years! What do you expect?

I turned to her and was about to ask something when Andy came up to us.

After I answered Andy's question which was greeted by a delighted applause from Jeff and Sean, I turned to her and winked.

Whoa!
Did I just do that?

Well, she looked really taken aback by what I did, she didn't react but I could sense the coldness in her reply when she got the microphone from me.

"Sure why not! I would be delighted to work not only with Kenny, but also the entire Machi crew. As you all know, all of us have the same background. Born and raised in the U.S soI'im sure we would work well with each other," she replied.

Hey Blade, they said work with me, not with the Machi crew.
I tried to hide my disappointment by just nodding my head and pretending to agree with her.

She turned to me and smirked at me, as if saying that's what you get for your wink.

All these years, that self satisfied smirk never changed.
You can still tell when she feels like she scored a point against you.

Oh well...
I sure as hell missed being the cause of that smirk.

***

As we walked down the tube that connected the plane to the airport, I smiled politely at the airport staff who were greeting me. I could hear Sean talking on the phone infront of me and instructing the person at the other end of the line to bring them to the VIP lounge.

"Hmmm...who could be that them? Did he send a drum and bugle band to welcome me?" I whispered to Angela and Kirsten.
"Snap out of it Jill! You're not in the Philippines! You're in Taiwan!" Angela said.
"Whats with her, she's been thinking silly thoughts since we left?" Kirsten asked.
"Two words. Kenny Chou!" Angela said.
"Hey!" I admonished them, "Not him!"
"Then why do you keep thinking about your childhood memories!" Kirsten said.
I shut up before I could even dig my grave deeper.
I sensed that the media people were coming,Ii could see flashing lights.
A chinese woman who looked like she was in her late 20's came up to us and directed us to the VIP room.
"Now I know I'm definitely in Taiwan! No more blondies!" Kirsten said.
Angela and I were giggling at her comment.
The next thing I saw made me stop giggling. My two sidekicks giggles changed from a fun giggle to a giddy giggle.
"Oh my gosh! It's them! What are they doing here?" Kirsten said.
"Probably picking up one of their friends!" I said.
"Yeah sure, but why is Sean there with that bald guy? That's definitely not Phil anymore" Angela retorted.
"Thats Jeffrey right?" Kirsten asked.
"Not sure!" I said.

Next thing I knew Sean called me over and introduced me to Jeffrey and Jae. Jeffrey had this smile that told me he recognized me, I smiled back at him. Jae shook my hand. I didn't know what to do when they called him over, I was stuck to where I was standing that Kirsten had to push me lightly to make me move. Everyone looked delighted when he gave me the bouquet of flowers and gave me a peck on the cheek.

Whoa!
"Thank you!"I said

Sean asked me to sit down already.
He sat beside Jeff while I was on the other side.

"Kenny, can you sit beside Blade please?" the twenty something girl asked.
I saw him nod and approach the chair next to me.
He nodded his head and smiled at me.

Goodness! He still has that killer smile!

Focus Jill! Focus!
Someone's asking you a question! You don't wanna look like you don't know what's happening with your career right now

"Jeff, P.Diddy, it's already known that Blade and Kenny are going to be working together on the Coke Light ad, Kenny is Taiwan's rap prince while Blade is, as we all know, the rap princess. Any chances of a collaboration between these two artists?"
I looked up to see who was asking that question. It was VJ Andy.
I turned to Sean and Jeff.
"Well, that's a big possibility, since Blade is going to be under the Aziatix label while she's here in Asia. So who knows, this might just be a royal team up," he guffawed.
Jeff was smiling and nodding his head to what Sean was saying. He reached for the microphone.
"Well, he said it already!" he chuckled, "So with that big possibility, a song might just be in the works as of this moment!"

I could feel Kenny's eyes on me, I could feel his shoulders twitching and was about to face me when suddenly...
VJ Andy turned to Kenny and me.
"You excited about the possibility of a collaboration between the two of you?"
Kenny reached out for the microphone.
"Who wouldn't be excited to be working with such a great artist? I'll be honored to be able to work with the rap princess on a single or if I would be lucky enough, an album!"

His reply was greeted by a delighted applause from Jeffrey and Sean.

I was about to get the microphone from him when he turned to me and winked.

What the heck?

Well I won't give him the satisfaction that I'm excited to be working with him.

"Sure why not! I would be delighted to work not only with Kenny, but also the entire Machi crew. As you all know, all of us have the same background. Born and raised in the U.S so I'm sure we would work well with each other," I replied.

The self satisified smirk he had on his face earlier changed into a fake, what the heck did she mean by that smile.

All this years, its still easy to tell when he's feeling good or he's just faking it.

Oh well...

Take that Mr. Playboy!!!

***

Chapter 4: It's clear for everyone to see..

Music by: Stephen Speaks- What'll She Look Like

"Five six seven eight...slide...slide..."

Jill stopped mid-count and raised her hands up in apology.

"Sorry Wade!I got lost!Lets do it again!" she said.

Oh boy!
I think her brain went flying out to Taiwan the moment we found out about Kenny and his career.
I know she memorized the steps that even if she had her eyes closed, she can do it.
Damn!She was even hyper last night and was dancing around the place, now she's like someone gave her downers and she's totally not into the beat.

But then, of course, this is her childhood friend we were talking about.
Just the thought of Kenny slows her down.I cant imagine what it might do to her when the thought of probably seeing him again comes up in her mind.

And even though she's claimed she's moved on and stopped thinking about him, with the recent development, i doubt if she can still look at us straight in the eye and confidently say she's moved on.

All i know right now is we have to experience a lot of weirdness when it comes to her behavior.
Angela and i could stand that, i just dont know how the others will deal.

Just this morning, we were eating breakfast and she had this silly grin on her face.
Its hard to wake Jill up in the morning, and its even harder to put her in the mood, so that grin at 6 in the morning was new to us.

Angela claims she's not sure if she's going to be happy for Jill about the development.
"After all the efforts and the convincing to make her move on, now she's going to do a major step in her career and then we find out Kenny may have a part in her endeavors in Asia!That's going to mess things up!" she said to me earlier that morning when we were waiting for Jill to wake up.
Both of us werent able to get any sleep that night, we were scared Jill was going to chicken out from the tour and run away, so we stayed in the living room and woke each other up by talking about anything.
I dont think we were even talking that night, we were just blabbering
I guess the lack of sleep got into our heads when we started talking sense already.
She started to think about Jill's mind condition when we arrive in Taiwan and i was thinking about what might happen next.

"Either its going to mess things up, or she's finally getting some peace of mind, now that she knows Kenny is ok.Depends on how he'll look at him when we arrive.If he's going to be a distraction or an inspiration.It all depends on how they deal with each other when they meet up." I answered Angela.

The way we were analyzing the situation, you would think Jill was a boxer who had to be properly conditioned and void of any distractions.

Angela sighed."Why didnt we even think of looking them up on the internet?"

"Remember, Jill was about to do that but she stopped herself, so we just agreed not to do it too.To help her out." I said.

"Oh yeah, that time she was ranting about Destiny and Fate having something to do with their story" she chuckled.

I smiled."Well, look what's happening.If this isnt Fate, then i dont know what it is!"

"Serendipity?"Bubbles quipped."We're in New York anyway, its Kenny thats not."

We both snorted, then laughed out loud, shushing ourselves a little later when we remembered Jill was already sleeping.

We just broke out into giggles when we started thinking of how they will meet and the possibilities that could happen.DMX not included in the picture.

Oh man!I cant wait till we arrive in Taiwan!

"I think this time we'll finally see if these 2 are meant for each other!'I said as i looked up the ceiling.

Angela nodded. "I think we're about to witness a lovestory develop right before our very eyes in Taiwan."

"But what about DMX?"I asked seriously.

Suddenly DMX became a nuisance, than our savior.
Well thats just my opinion though, since i was a witness to what Kenny and Jill had.

"Well...lets just wait and see what happens!"Angela said.. "And we're going to learn about it three days from now!That is if she signed the contract for Coke Light already!"

"Huh?"

She turned on the computer monitor and showed me the page that she saved.
It was Coke Light's web ad.
Kenny was in the picture!

"Those are the people she's going to work with for the ad!"Angela exlaimed."See the blank space...thats going to be her space when she finally agrees."

"Oh.My.God!" I blurted out.

My thoughts were interrupted when i saw Sean and Phil coming in.They pulled Jill aside and showed her a folder.
I was trying to lip read what Sean was saying and it looked like they were talking about that ad Angela and I were talking about.

A little later, the three of them went to the conference room and a few people i didnt recognized came in the conference room.

I called over Jason, Sean's right hand man and asked him who they were.

"Coke executives!Blade finally agreed to do the ad."he said.

Uh-oh!That was the contract!What if she see's Kenny's name.Angela and i agreed not to tell her about that minor detail until we arrived in Taiwan, but the executives were already and for sure she was going to know about it.

I was waiting anxiously at the media room while trying to make myself busy by sending out press kits to New York media people for the early morning press conference Jill was going to do before she left.

Jason came in and he gave me another piece of paper.

"Fax that to all media sources!"he ordered.

I almost fell off the chair when i read the opening line.

"Blade agrees to do Coke Light Asia Advertisement."
***
Kenny was in the middle of an interview at the Machi Entertainment office when someone called me over and gave me the phone.

It was Jae, relaying the news that Blade had agreed to to the ad already.It was no longer a wait and see situation.She was really doing the ad.

As if the call wasnt enough, one of our staff was browsing the internet and it was the headline on one of the Asian entertainment sites.

"Whats with the smirk, Jeffrey?"

I looked up to see Nicky and Edward eyeing me curiously.

I directed them to the computer monitor.

"Does Kenny know about this already?" Edward asked.

"Weeellll...Joan told him Blade was included in the list, but she immediately followed it up that Blade's appearance was still a wait and see situation." I answered.

"You going to tell him now about this?" Nicky asked. "Dude, he looked really disappointed when he got that second SMS from Joan. He was hyper when we met up at Luxy that night, then he just suddenly wasnt in the mood."

I shook my head, "I think I'd rather give him all the news in one blow. Just to see how he would react."

"There's more???"Nicky and Ed both asked.

I nodded, I was close to revealing to the guys that Blade was going to be under Aziatix management when we noticed that the interview was over and Kenny had gone out of the media room already.

"Remember, let me tell him!" I sternly reminded the two as I retreated back to my office.

It's been a while since I last saw Kenny genuinely happy. Of course, I know he's happy about what's happening to his career and what can be more fun than living your dream and living it with the people who you built the dream with. Your own family.
But living his dream had a price to pay.

His relationship with Jill.

Now I think it's time for the two of them to see each other again. Call me a matchmaker, I wouldn't really care right now. This was a couple who deserves a second chance.

I didn't plan for this to happen.
The Bad Boy Deal...it was Diddy who approached us.
The Coke Light ad...I was surprised about that
Let's just say it just fell straight into our laps.

Oh boy! If only V was here, he would start talking about Fate and Destiny again!

Kenny barged into the room holding a piece of paper.

"Jeff!!! Did you hear the news yet???" he asked. I could sense in his voice that he was excited.

"What about?" I asked.

"Blade signing the contract!" Kenny said.

"Oh yeah!" I said."They showed me this morning, I presumed you knew already."

He knew now, I guess I should tell him about the other news.

On second thought, I think it would be more fun to see his reaction when we pick up Aziatix newest artist at the airport.

I cant wait!

"Kenny!!! Phone call! It's Vickie!"Joan called.

"Coming!" Kenny said, hey, it was Vickie and he wasn't running for the phone just like he did the first few times she called him.

Oh man!Somebody has a lot on his mind right now!
***
Damn!I gotta get used to this!

The sun hasnt risen yet, but I'm already blinded by the lights. Not that I wasn't used to photographers and journalists trailing us wherever Jill would go, but when you lack sleep, and you get out of the house when it's pitch black, you would understand how I'm feeling now.

I knew Sean had a little eccentricity in him but this was too much.Going to the airport at 2 am, to make the 5:30 am flight to Taiwan, I would understand if we were riding on a commercial flight, but we were using his own plane for heaven's sake.

Good thing we were immediately whisked off to the VIP lounge.
I was able to take a catnap.
"Ange!Ange!" Kirsten hissed as she shook me awake.
"Huh? Huh? What? Are we going?" I asked.
"No!Look!"
She was pointing to the area where Sean and Jill were, and DMX and Jin were there!
"Oh my gosh!What is he doing here?" I asked.
Kirsten rolled her eyes, "He claims he's missing her already, and he promised to her that he'll be following her there."
I snorted. Even though between the two of us, I was the one who wanted Jill to get close to DMX, I was also anticipating the Kenny-Jill reunion.
"Well, when we thought things were going to be interesting, now it's going to be more interesting when he arrives," I said.
"I know!" Kirsten said as she plopped down on the couch.
"Hey you two! It's sure going to be lonely out here when all of you are gone!" Jin told us when he approached the two of us.
I could see Kirsten discreetly roll her eyes, "Oh really? How come? You don't really hang out with us after all."
Jin laughed nervously, "Ey, even though we don't really hang out that much, it sure is no fun just being left with D when we go out at night."
I nodded, "Well yeah..."

I think he felt we were pretty incomfortable when he tried to make small talk. He rarely does that. To the two of us, he's just DMX shadow, the one who diverts our attention when DMX wants to have some alone time with Jill.

"Yo Jin! We gotta go!" DMX hollered while waving at the two of us.
"Alright!" he said. He fished out something from his back pocket, "Here, some more information on the Asian scene. I already translated that for you guys." He winked at us and followed DMX out.
Kirsten looked really pissed, "What the heck? Doesn't he even realize that Jill is half Chinese? She could translate this for us."
I was scanning through the pages and laughed, "What is he talking about!!! This is an English paper! Only the classified ads are in Mandarin!"

We tried to cool down ourselves when we saw Jill and Sean approaching us. No need to upset her on trivial matters when we feel that she's treating this trip as the journey of her life.

"Guys time to go!" Sean said

We all boarded his plane and made ourselves comfortable.

Later on in the flight, Jill approached us while we were busy making small talk with Sean's kids

"Hey did you guys see the paper Jin gave you? It has Andrew on it!" Jill raved.
"Andrew?" I asked.
"Andrew? As in Kenny's brother Andrew?" Kirsten asked.
I wanted to pinch Kirsten. We do not say his name in front of her!
I just glared at her and she gave an apologetic grin.
Surprisingly, the rap princess didn't say anything.

She nodded, " The kid's a rap sensation! Man, I hope he's in Taiwan right now, I'm excited to see him again. Look he's grown up already."
"He looks like him when he was that age!" Kirsten gushed.
"I know! I even have a picture of him at that age." Jill said.

No, no, not that picture.That was the picture that opened the floodgates of Jill's eyes.
Can we just look at DMX's baby pictures. Even Sean's!
Just don't look at Kenny's baby pics!

Why am I even fussing about this, when one of her suitcases is filled with Kenny's memories.
She's practically cleared out one of her drawers. You would think she's moving out and not going on a tour.

"Yo Angela!"Sean said."Why don't you join those two back there, they said they were going to watch some of the CD's Jin gave them. I'll take care of this two!"

I was so deep into thought that I havent even realized that those two left me.
I excused myself and followed them at the back, I was surprised to see the both of them gawking like some macho dancer mooned them.

I looked at the monitor.

It was Kenny, rapping with some guys!

Shirtless!

***

Edward, Jeff, Jae and I were cooped up at the recording studio as we set the final touches on my album.
We were expecting Kenny to arrive anytime soon since he was gonna lay down some hooks on one of my songs.

We were trying to calm ourselves down before he arrived.
It was a day before Blade was coming to town, and we were all excited, but we didn't wanna show Kenny that emotion.
He's been trying to be stoic about it lately/ I think he's thinking too much about her that he can't react anymore to all the news that he's getting.

"You know what, we're practically done for the day, all we're waiting for is Kenny. I say we relax and watch TV now!" I proposed

Edward raised his index finger, "I'm with you on that one."
"Same here!" Jae and Jeff said.

I reached out for the TV remote control on the console table.
Just in time. Entertainment news and I see the faces of Blade and P.Diddy on the screen.
She's not even here yet and it's Blade overload already.
Suddenly the door opened and Kenny came in with Luke and Hiro in tow.
I didn't even bother to turn off the tv for his sake, he saw it already, no need to hide it.

He made a face.
"Not again!" he groaned."She's been all over the place and her plane hasn't landed yet."

Jeff ignored the comment and just continued watching the news clip. Jae, on the other hand looked at his schedule book.

"You're free tomorrow right?" he asked Kenny.
Kenny nodded. "I'm just going to the gym tomorrow morning. Why? What's up?"
"Nothing really! Something might just come up, so be ready!" Jae nonchalantly said.

Since he was used to the impromptu gigs we usually do, he just shrugged his shoulders and joined us in watching the news clip.

Reporter: Rapper DMX was not around when their entourage arrived, but an hour before their flight was set to leave, he arrived with Asian rapper Jin in tow and although he didn't grant us an interview, ET got some footage outside of the VIP lounge

My eyes shifted from Kenny to the TV.
There it was, proof that Kenny's childhood sweetheart was indeed playing sweet music with DMX.
DMX arriving and hugging Blade, kissing her on the forehead, and talking intently to her. Jin and DMX sending air kisses as they went out of the VIP lounge and carefully dodging away mediamen.

Kenny looked away and fished out his cellphone.

"Hey Vickie, you home now? Uhuh....uhuh....Yeah I just got here at the recording studio, I'm with the crew.Gonna lay down some tracks in a while."

Distraction at it's finest!
He's been pretty good with distracting himself lately, even though we're practically spoonfeeding Blade news to him.
Jeff told us it was better than making him veer away from her presence. Besides she was going to be here anyway and no matter what happens, they were going to see each other anyway.

Of course, we did that without V knowing, coz we knew he was the one behind the moving on plan.
We felt it was pretty premature for him to move on when the girl is just around and they haven't had any closure yet.
Kinda weird coming from us who are currently not involved in serious relationships huh, and the one we're defying is someone who's seriously into a relationship even if he doesn't admit it to the public.

Haiz! What is happening to us! We're turning into matchmakers.

"Yo! Are we working or what?" Kenny hollered. "Im dying to go home!"

I turned off the tv and let Jae and Jeff do their work, while Ed and I went outside thinking of what might happen tomorrow.

Chapter 3:..Know that you're the one for me..

Music by: Bachelor Girl- Permission to Shine
St. Paul- Only Reminds Me of You

"To success!" Sean hollered as he raised up the champagne glass he was holding.
"To success!" everybody said in unison.
"Here's to Blade, goodluck on your Asian tour and hopefully this isn't just a phase!" Phil joked.
Laughter was heard all over the living room of Sean's Lower Manhattan pad.
As I look at all the people around me, I couldnt believe that I really did make a decision and the string of events that led up to it would have caused someone his life with the shock that I've been giving them.

Three weeks had gone by and eversince the night I decided to never look back, I stayed true to my word. I never did.
Kirsten and Angela were so amazed, they have this ongoing bet how long I can stay true to my word.

I looked at my two best friends and smiled at them as i raised up my glass.

I've agreed to the original plan that the production team presented to me for the music video.
Their expressions were priceless when I told them i was willing to do a scene where i was dancing with Mario Winans wearing only a bikini top and short shorts.
The rest of the production team looked like they lacked sleep on the day of the shoot.
when I asked them about it after we were done, they told me they were scared the night before that I was going to back out and they made a back up storyboard just in case i turned conservative on them again.

No one from my production staff came to the send off party. I think they're still recovering from the shock.

Sean and the rest of Bad Boy's executive committee almost fell of their chairs when I told them that I was willing to push through with the Asian tour.
They kept asking me over and over if I was serious. That was the morning after I went clubbing with DMX, and they thought I was just suffering from a major hangover, thus they didn't take me seriously.
When I asked them the next day what their plans for the tour was, they all looked at me as if I had gone loony.
Phil, Sean's assistant keeps asking me if im sure about what im going to do.
Sean looked like he was going to have a heart attack whenI told him I wanted the tour to push through, but recovered quickly.
After having a short teleconference with the Warner label in Asia, the next day he was already off to Asia and making deals with advertisers and the record company. Bad Boy has no Asian label so he made an Asian merger between Bad Boy and Warner.
He just came back a week ago and the moment he landed on New York soil, he put me straight to work.
I see him look at me and i could see that he's very pleased with my decision.

DMX approached me and put his arm around my waist, I casually leaned on his shoulder and wiped away the sweat forming on his forehead.
We've been spending every free time we have with each other, and Mary J and Jin are amazed that I seem to have let my guard down when it came to Earl.
Yes, Earl, thats how i call him now. A good sign for him because that means I'm letting him into my personal life.
We're not officially together yet, but he is my constant date.
Of course, all our actions have been tabloid bait, but we've learned to not care about it.
We know whats true, and we're not exactly celebrities who have to maintain a cutie patootie image.

Ask me if I would have done all this a couple of weeks back and I would say probably not.
I'll be too conscious of the past to bother with the present and the future.
It also helps that I've been busy working and partying that I don't have the luxury of time to think about other things.

I've been so exhausted the past weeks finishing all my commitments in America and getting reacquainted with Asian entertainment that I almost backed out from this party and just preferred to go home.
But I'm glad I did the opposite.
It's been a while since I had an intimate gathering with my friends, far from the fans and far from people approaching you and asking you stuff.

"Hey! Hey! Turn the TV on, Blade's going to be on the Taiwanese cable channel!" Jin announced.
Diddy immediately grabbed the remote control on the counter top and tuned in to the Taiwanese channel.
You could hear a pin drop when the screen showed my face on the background with an Oriental looking man doing the entertainment news.
Good thing the newscast was in English because my Mandarin was very rusty and I probably couldn't speak a straight sentence to save my life.

Newscaster:Bad Boy Record's Rap Princess Blade is coming to Asia!
Yes you heard it right people, the half Filipino, half Taiwanese rap artist is coming to town. After sevral cancellations in the tour schedule, it's finally pushing through.
Bad Boy Entertainment's CEO and rap legend Sean "P Diddy" Combs came into town discreetly to negotiate with Warner Music Taiwan for a collaboration with one of their artists. So far no one's been chosen yet but it's expected that by the time she arrives, they will finally make a decision on who she's going to make a collaboration with. They also inked a two and a half million dollar deal with Coke Light, an all star Asian cast will be used for Coke Light's promotions in Asia. Coke Light is aiming to surpass the hype that the Nine Stars Ad has caused.


Everybody clapped when the news clip ended.
Sean immediately turned off the TV and didn't wait for the program to finish.
"Yo, Rap princess, are you still sure about this or it's causing you too much pressure you want to back out?" Sean joked.
"Dont give me ideas Sean, I just might do it!"i joked back.
"Oh heavens, please don't,"Phil said. "Were this close to having a heart attack."
Everybody laughed, then I looked at Earl. He looked so somber, apparently I wasn't the only one who noticed.

"Yo D! What's with the long face?" Sean asked.

"What a time to finally push through with the Asian tour, just when things are getting better between the two of us," he mumbled,"You guys are killing me!"

"Awwwwww!" Mary J, Kim, Sean's girlfriend, Kristine and Angela said at the same time.

"Oh come on, Im just going to be gone for a while!" I said, "Besides, it's not as if we're officially together, you can always go out with other girls. Just promise me you'll stay out of trouble."

"Oooohhhh!"Sean, Jin, and Phil said at the same time.

"Fine with me"he said nonchalantly, but I could see in his eyes that he wasnt happy with what I said.

No one dared to react anymore, coz they knew it might lead up to a heated discussion.
No one dared to ruin the mood.
Besides, I didn't want to leave New York with a heavy heart.

Sean cleared his throat and reached out for something in one of the shelves in his living room bar.
"Blade! Take this home! This is a list of all Warner talents and other asian artists. There are sample tapes you could listen to. Try to finish as many as possible so you wouldn't look like a lost human being when we arrive in Taiwan."
"Gee, thanks Sean, I wasn't a crammer back when I was in highschool and college, but now that I'm working, you're making me go through a major cram session."I complained.
"Sorry about that, it just arrived today. Anyway you still have tonight and tomorrow, then you can always read that on the plane."
I nodded, "Fine with me."

By ten pm, we decided to call it a night since everyone had to work early in the morning. Earl offered to bring me home but I declined because I knew he had made plans with Jin to go clubbing. I was out of the way from the club where he was going to, and besides, Kirsten brought her car to work so I'm going to be hitching a ride with her.

When we got home, we made a headstart in packing our stuff. Of course, Kirsten was coming with me since she's my production assistant, Angela, on the other hand took a vacation leave from work and decided to go with us to the Asian tour.

Angela and I were busy making her stuff fit in her suitcase when Kirsten barged in my room and had this look of panic in her eyes.
"What's up?"
She gave me the phone. I immediately felt my heart beating faster. I was thinking worst case scenario already, it could be one of my parents telling me something happened to the other one. It could be Diddy asking me to go overtime, but from the look on Kirsten's face, she looked like she heard a ghost on the phone.

"Hello," I said slowly when i answered the phone."Blade speaking"
"Yes hello, this is Olive Chen Su Dee from the management staff of Mr.Chou."
Mr.Chou!
No!
There are too many Chou's!
"Excuse me?" I asked.
"We're from the management staff of Mr. Jay Chou, and our artist declared his intention of wanting to do a collaboration with you."
I didn't know what to feel, if I was going to be relieved or disappointed.
I knew he wanted to perform too, but I wasn't too sure how keen he was with it.
Great! Days before the Asian tour and I'm back to thinking about him.
What would happen to my girls bets! Kirsten bet on a month, Angela, two months.
Poor them.No one would win.
Oh well, what they don't know won't hurt them.

Damn it!
Why can't I even go a month not thinking about him.
I want to be angry at him, but how, he didn't do anything bad to me.
It's just that he disappeared out of my life and left me with memories that I can never let go.
My mind is so willing but the heart just overcomes the mind.
I don't want to sound so cliche...but, you never forget the first person you love.


Oh shit!
Look what he made me do!
I accidentally tore away the profile page of one of Warner's artists!
Sean is going to kill me!

Now let me see who's the poor artist who had his profile tore apart by an emotionally charged lunatic?

What the heck?!?
What is this?
Is this for real?

"Kirsten!!!Angela!!!"
***
As soon as I got home from the Singapore leg of my tour, we went straight to working on my collabo album with Edward and rehearsing for the Beijing trip the week after.
We also got busy with taping advanced episodes for the Machi show, and doing guestings for Jacky Go Go, Young Guns and Tao Zi's show.
I was too busy to even think of her, or make an effort to forget her.
The night Vanness and I talked was also the night I painted the town red with my crew and VJ Denise.
I asked her out right after the interview, and she agreed to hang out with us right after my show.
At first it was a bit awkward because I knew she had a crush on Edward, but she assured me that she was over Edward and she didn't agree to go out just to be with Ed. As the night went by, we became more comfortable with each other. When the party started, we were huddled with my friends and some of her friends, but by the time the party ended, it was just the two of us in one corner of the bar looking like we've been a couple for quite some time now.
I don't remember what time I came in that night, all I remembered was Denise driving me to the hotel and giving her a long lingering goodnight kiss.
That kiss ended everything.
We never got to meet up before we left, MTV sent VJ Utt for the press interview.
I never got to ask for her phone number since I got so busy with her, I didn't want to break our moment and ask for her number.
I got so much teasings on the plane ride home when I confessed to them that I never did get her number and I never got to home run with her.

"Dude!You two were practically groping each other at Zouk! It's good we asked the staff to close it for us! Or else you'll find yourself in the tabloids!" Jeff raved.

"Then you tell us you never got to doing IT!" Nicky boomed."I pity you man!"

I smirked."Guys, i was drunk! If I were sober, I would have done it with her, coz I would have control of her. But I was dead drunk so I was on autopilot!"
They snickered. They knew I was just trying to play cool.
"Yeah man, tell that to the marines!" Steve chuckled.

From that day we left Singapore, up to now, three weeks later, I never got to reach out to her.
I've come up with so many excuses for my actions that I find myself believing my own lies.
I just couldn't admit to myself that I was turning into Jeff and Nicky.
I couldn't admit that I was getting into the Dating with no strings attached territory.
For the longest time, I was tagged as the Machi who's likely to get into a long term relationship while with the group.
But now I've joined the ranks of the players.

Just last week, we were in the waiting room of Tao Zi's show, waiting for our turn to be called. Jeff and Jae were on a business trip somewhere and I was tapped to be the spokesperson for every one. Nicky volunteered, said it was going to be a test on how far his Mandarin has improved. We agreed, but at the last minute, Jeff called and wanted me to be the one to speak up.

"Ummm...excuse me...is this seat taken?" a petite girl came up to me.

I looked at her and shook my head. "That's not. It's okay, you can take it."

She smiled and gave a curt bow. "Xie Xie!" she mumbled.

Chin, Tao Zi's assistant approached Machi, then called on the girl I was talking to a few minutes before he arrived.
"Please forgive me for my forgetfulness. It's just a tense moment every time its 15 minutes before the show comes on," he apologized. "Vickie, meet Machi. Nicky, Edward and Kenny. Guys this is Vickie from the duo Michelle and Vickie."
We made pleasantries with her, shook her hands then another girl who dressed like Vickie came in. She was introduced as Michelle.
While we were waiting for our turn, Vickie and I talked while Ed and Nicky were chatting with Michelle.
Turns out the two of them were just like us. Born and raised in America, working in their native land.
And she was a student at UCI too!

By the end of the night, we exchanged numbers and invited each other to each others shows.
After the show, I invited her for a snack, but she refused. They still had to do a show in Kaoshiong that night.
We just agreed to do it some other time.
Putting Vickie's rejection behind me, I went clubbing that night with Luke, Hiro,Nicky and Edward.
Met up with some girls, exchanged numbers, drank a little, just doing the typical single guy's lifestyle.

When we arrived back home, I was too exhausted from all the partying that I found myself laying down on my bedroom floor, looking up at the ceiling.
I was just about ready to stand up and lay down in bed when my message alert rang.
It was Vickie. She was responding to my message a few hours back.
Hey Kenny! Just got home from the show. What an exhausting day but I'm amazed I can't still bring myself to sleep.
My player mind was thinking she was just making up an excuse. She was really sleepy but she wanted to have a text conversation with Kenny Chou.
The geek in me thought it was sweet of her to text me back.

Another point for the geek in me!
I replied back and we found ourselves engaging in those long string of messages in one sent message type of conversation.The type where the message gets divided into three parts.
Two hours later we were still at it, and i was really enjoying our SMS conversation.
I felt like I was in high school again.

Two days later, she agreed to meet up with me.
I would pick her up at her house and we were going to have dinner and a movie.
I was driving on the way to their house, singing along to the song DJ Eric was playing on ICRT when the news report came after the song.

Blade is coming to Asia! Two days from now, Blade will be leaving New York and will do promotional shows in Hong Kong, China, Korea and Taiwan. She is expected to do a collaboration with some of the big Asian artists. It is said that Jay Chou has approached her management and wants to do a song with her. Chou refuses to comment on the story. Warner Music and Machi Entertainment is said to have approached Bad Boy Productions, but everything is still under wraps. What's clear now is that Blade will be staying in the region for a few weeks to do a song and shoot for an endorsement.

I almost lost control of the steering wheel.
Here I was on my way to have a good time with some girl, hoping that she'll be the one to make me feel in love again. As in wholeheartedly in love.
And then, the girl who was the first one to make me feel this way was coming to town.
With a big possibility that she was going to be working with me.

Damn!

Why now?

I don't need this right now, to get into an emotional trap when I've made my way out of it three weeks ago.

And why the heck were Jeff and Jae not telling me anything. Jeff grew up with me, he knows all about my story with my princess.
He's just not telling me, but I know he thinks that my burn out's main cause is because of her.
Eversince her latest album got released in Taiwan, I was begging for a break.

And what about Jae?
He usually tells me all his plans for me, why the heck have they gone quiet with this piece of news.

I tried calling them on their cellphones, but both of them were out of reach.
As if knowing whats going on in my mind. Vanness sent me a message.

"Dnt b 2 cocky.Ur not even sure if she's goin to pick you. Dnt wri abt it too much"

I laughed when i read the message.
He had a point.

I just wasn't sure how I was going to react if she didn't pick me.
Will I be relieved?
Or will I be disappointed?

Then another text message came up.

It was from Joan.

"Coke Light management just called up. It's all systems go for the commercial shoot a week from now. They said you have to shape up for the ad."

I replied back, asking her who was I going to work with.

I almost threw my phone outside when I read her reply.

"Vickie of Vickie and Michelle, Steven, Namie Amuro, Vivian Hsu, Rain , Kwon Sang Woo, and BLADE!"


***

Chapter 2: You'll never see it coming coz you're blinded from the start ...

Music by: Aaliyah- I Miss You
The Braxtons- Only Love

I walked into the Bad Boy productions, expecting it to be chaotic, because there were three videos scheduled for a shoot that day, a record executives meeting, and a press junket for Diddy's project with MTV called "Making the Band".Imagine my surprise when i walked in the lobby and saw the place deserted.Even the receptionist was not in her usual place.

"Ehem!"I cleared my throat. "Hello...guys...yoohoo!"

I made my way towards the recording area. No one was there.

I went up to the offices. No one was there.

And then i heard sounds coming from the rehearsal room.

It was slightly familiar.

I couldnt hear human voices, only the sounds coming from the stereo.

I opened the door and saw a man who had his back turned to me.

He was tall. He looked like he just came from the hip hop video shoot.

But why was he alone?Where's the staff?

"Uhmm...excuse me Sir...

"He turned and smiled at me. "I've been waiting for you for the longest time."

I couldnt recognize him...but i felt this tug at my heart.

He had a bouquet of roses with him, he came close to me and whispered."I missed you princess!"

Princess!Only one person called me by that name...and we've been apart for so long.

I smelled the roses, smiled and gazed up at him.It was him!My baby boi!

"Blade...Blade...hunny...wake up...we need to go..."

Oh shit!It was all a dream!Here i was still in my dressing room, still holding on to that picture and still far away from him.

It was Kirsten, my personal assistant, housemate, high school buddy and confidante.Apparently still in a daze, i nodded at her and sat up.

"So where do you want to go?Its still early, D is going to a club with Jin and his posse...want to come along with them?I shook my head."Im too pooped Kirst!Lets just go home!"

"Okay!" she answered."Let me just fix up your stuff first then lets go ahead of the pack."

Usually, I would stand up and help her fix up my stuff. It was my stuff anyway, and she wasnt just my assistant, she was a friend, but it was different this time, I just sat on the couch and watched her gather my things.

"You know i'm always here to listen Jill."she said.

I looked up at her."Huh?"

She looked at me knowingly.

I smiled at her. Next to my baby boi, she's the only one who knows whats going through my mind even before i could speak up.I looked at the open door, scared that someone may overhear us.

"Not here silly!I know you're tired, so lets just talk about all this at home over a cup of coffee and blueberry cheesecake."

Kirsten said."Angela's coming home tonight."Like a child on christmas day being given her christmas present, I immediately stood up and fixed myself up before following Kirsten outside.

Nothing could perk me up other than an old fashioned bonding time with my friends over food.

I rarely had time for those, and i dont care if i have an early appointment tomorrow, im going to enjoy my time with friends.

Unknown to the crew, we walked away from the studio and headed home.

"Alright girl!We're complete now!We're away from the work area where you transform from simple, plain Jill to Rap princess Blade.Spill!" Kirsten said once we walked in the house we shared with another friend, Angela.

I sighed...then took out our picture.They both looked at me and sighed.

"Not again!" they both said.

They were nudging each other and whispering something about doing it for my own good.

What were this two up two?

I called their attention"Uh hello!Girls!Im still here!"

Both of them looked at me apologetically. Kirsten moved her chair closer to me.

"Jill...we understand how you're holding on to his memory...but dont you think its been too long...maybe you should just give up.It isnt only holding you back from your personal and emotional growth, but its also affecting your career."

Angela moved closer to me too. "Jill...we know how special he is to you...but he's not here.You dont even know where he is right now. We think its about time you moved on.We're not saying you should dispose of that picture or throw out that box of letters you have under your bed, but let it not affect everything you do."

"Oh Jill!Dont cry...we're sorry if we hurt your feelings..."

I held up my hand to make her stop."Its okay!Im not crying because you hurt me, im crying because finally im accepting the truth that we're too far away from each other now.Besides everything you said was true.It is holding me back."

I sighed in resignation.

"And who knows, he may be just around but with three wives and seven kids."

They smiled gently at me and squeezed my hand.

I have to face it.His memory is not an inspiration anymore, its a hindrance. I've been trying to push back the Asian tour just because i was scared that i might run into him there with a girl or by the time we left for the tour, he was scheduled to be back in New York. I was scared to do some racy scenes in my videos because he might be watching and get disappointed with me.I've been scared to ask how the next door neighbors were to my parents, because i was scared to learn what he was up to.I also was scared that my parents might say he moved back in with his parents, and i dont know what i might do if i learn he's there.I might forget everything and just move back there.The last time i asked them about him, they said he was shuttling between New York and Asia because of a business he was doing with his cousins while attending medical school in New York, and that was five years ago.I've done the rounds of New York and i still havent bumped into him,I've hung out in Chinatown and i still didnt see him there.I didnt want to entertain other guys because i was still hoping that when we meet, he's still a single guy who's pining for me.I've been thinking about a lot of things concerning him and i wasnt even sure where he was or how he is.It was like dealing with an imaginary friend.My own Mr.Snuffleapagus!

Who am i kidding anyway?

I can't just waste away like this.I have a great career ahead of me, great friends and, modesty aside, a bevy of admirers who choose to stay in the sidelines until i finally give them a chance.

"What do you say guys?Should i start dating again?" I asked my two friends.

Kirsten rolled her eyes and Angela sighed.

"Whaaaaaat?"I asked.

"Again??? Tell me Jill when did you ever go on a date since he left huh?"Kirsten said.

Kirsten was one of my friends who witnessed that heartbreaking parting scene at Newport Beach almost 8 years ago. She had just moved from Canada that time, and was getting to know the group.Some say she was my baby boi's replacement as my best friend.I refuse to agree though, they're both my best friends and they have different roles in my life.

"Hey i go out with guys!"I protested.

"Yeah, but you insist you just hang out!"Kirsten replied. "Even though sometimes that hang out ends with a kiss on the cheek or more than that!"

"Hey!I complained!Im a good girl!I dont fool around!"I protested.

"Didnt say anything about fooling around.All i said was it's more than just a kiss."Kirsten answered.

That silenced me.

Despite the sexy clothes, racy lyrics and mature image, i have never gone way beyond a kiss.Nothing below the chin!

"So what ya say?"Kirsten asked."The night is still young, you dont even care if you're going to be needed early tomorrow, shall we paint the town red now?"

I smiled at them."The heck with childhood sweethearts!Im going clubbing!"

***

I couldnt tear my eyes away from the picture. She looked so grown up.His eyes lingered on the plunging V-necked jersey she had on. It wasnt really something that outlined her figure since it looked like it was one size bigger than her original size, but you could tell that over the years she had filled up in just the right places.Her denim jeans fit her legs well and he couldnt help but smile when he looked at her sneakers.

"Damn!Those sneakers are still alive!" he said to himself. She looked like she gained some weight, but it doesnt matter. She looked like a sexy rap goddess, very much different from the scrawny girl next door she was several years back.

My readings were interrupted by the noise of the staff in the next room.I knocked on the wall.

"Hey guys!Im trying to get some rest here!"I shouted. I hate calling their attention. As much as possible I didnt want to order them around. The group usually left that up to the big bosses of Machi Entertainment, but at times like these where I could snatch some alone time from the busy schedule, I couldnt help but call on them.

I praised the high heavens when we landed in Singapore and Joan told me the press conference was moved to the next day before we left.That left me with a couple of hours free time until the autograph signing started after lunch.I quickly retreated to my room, ignoring Nicky's invitation to Boon Tong Kee, and Edward challenging me to a game of NBA Live.I had not been able to read the whole magazine last night sinceI had to catch some sleep before heading off to the airport.

I went back to looking at her pictures.She looked very different from the girl he fell in love with several years ago.it made him think if it was only her looks that changed, hoping that her new found fame didnt affect her personality.

"I know I didn't" he said."I hope she didn't too."

I know im still the same person I was before Machi was born, only now Im more confident about myself, but still far away from being conceited. I hope she didn't get too much air in her head, I knew she hated those airheads back in junior high and swore to herself that no matter how popular she got when she got older, she wouldn't let all the fame get to her head.

My eyes landed on the part of the article which answered my questions.

Cosmo: So, how has fame changed you?

Blade: I don't think it really changed me.Im still the same person I was before all this craziness happened. I still live in the same house I stayed in when i was starting, I still live with my friends from California. I still worry about my laundry and the bills, this time though, I can always hire someone to do my chores for me and i dont have to wait for my next paycheck to pay all of my bills. I dont really want myself to be affected by all these, I know its not permanent and I know I have to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground.

Cosmo: So we won't be expecting any staff member of yours complaining of their boss ego-tripping or throwing a tantrum?

Blade: (laughs)No, none of that for me.

Cosmo: How do you keep yourself grounded? It's not an easy task especially when you're around all these famous people.

Blade: You mean with Sean being my manager?(laughs)

Cosmo: Well yeah, it's hard to keep a low profile when Diddy is around you, don't you think?Blade: Oh yeah!!!It's hard...and you really have to try hard to not let all the craziness get to you. If i had, I'd probably be living in the same building with him right now and have a handfull of cars around me.(chuckles) But as I said all this is temporary, so when I'm not at work, I avoid hanging out at all these high end places. I'd rather stay at home and chill out with my friends.Catch up on my parents lives in California....

I sighed. She had a good head on her shoulders then, and he was glad that up to now it was still at the same place. My eyes veered away from the article, and went to the behind the scenes pictures from the interview.

"I didn't know you read Cosmo now."
I looked up from the article i was reading and saw Vanness seated at the foot of my bed.My eyes bulged at the sight of him.

"Surprise!!!"he hollered and laughed liked a maniac.

"Holy shit!" I jumped from the bed to the floor and gave him a hug."What are you doing here man?"

"Oh I just happened to be in Singapore and saw your crew outside the hotel"he joked. "Im supporting you you dimwit!"he hollered as he pat my head and messed up my hair.

"Dude! The hair!"I complained.

"Oh c'mon!You always wear the Machi cap anyways!"Vanness answered.

"Fine!But hey, arent you supposed to be somewhere, for a Pepsi Event!"I asked.

"Tssss!That can always wait!"Vanness mumbled.

I snorted and rolled my eyes at him "Yeah right!As if Cai Jie would let you!"

"Well, I just had to grovel for her to let me go here at least until the show ends, then I'll fly to Hong Kong after this."he confessed.

I smiled at him."Thanks dude!You don't know how much i appreciate this gesture"

"No problem man!"Vanness pat my back, sat down on the bed and reached out for the magazine."But you still didn't answer me...why do you have Cosmo with you and not FHM?Does that also explain the unnoticed wads of paper in a box outside with girls numbers outside?"

"There is?" I asked, then my thoughts went back to that paper with a girls number given to me yesterday. After Joan gave me the magazine, I dont know where I placed the paper.Oh well, my apologies to whatever her name is.

He chuckled, "Yeah man, and if you're not fast enough, Nicky is looking at it like its Thanksgiving day dinner. He's about to devour it all."

"Oh let him. I'm not interested anyway."I said.

Vanness looked at me knowingly."Now I know why you have Cosmo" he shook his head. "Whoa!I can't believe this is Jill already! She's damn hot!"

"Hey, that girl is mine!"I protested.

"Yeah, before, you don't know who she's with now."Vanness answered."I heard she's going out with DMX"

"Going out! The operative word man!"I explained. "She didn't say dating, she didn't say exclusive, she just said going out. Believe me, I read the article.

He laughed at me. If I didn't love this guy to bits, I'd probably be strangling him to death right now.

"Dude! Haven't you learned from me or from any rumored showbiz couple. It's a showbiz answer. Look at me and Vivian, two years man and all we say is going out. It's crazy dude!" he explained. "Who dates around but wears similar necklaces huh?" He flashed the V necklace at me."Who gets caught driving his girlfriends car and just says were just friends and were just going out."He raised his hand."But hey, we consider ourselves exclusive yet we still claim to be going out."I knew what his point was. and i pity him.I knew he wanted to get it all out in the open, for he was tired of lying to the public already.He knew people didnt believe them anymore but they continue doing so.He was probably thinking i didnt get the message."Dude, for all you know he and DMX may be secretly married already.Can you do me a favor,Kenny?"he asked me.

"What?"I asked

"You're one hot commodity right now!Get out there, date around, dont just sulk here."

"But dude...what if all the DMX press is just a publicity stunt?What if she really is still single?"I asked him.

"Dude, you're continents away...and she might not remember you anymore...whats the point of holding on when there's nothing to hold on to"he reasoned out.Our conversation was interrupted when Nicky walked in.
"Dude are you sure you dont want this anymore, you crazy man!"Nicky asked me as he held the wads of paper in his hand.Vanness looked at me, i just shrugged.

I closed the magazine."Its yours bro!I have someone better in mind.Besides, i pity the fan who im going to call.She might be harassed by the other fans"I said seriously as i walked to the restroom, magazine in hand."And who is that, may i ask?"Nicky asked.

"im doing MTV later, who do you think?"I said before i closed the door.I couldnt help but laugh when i heard howls after it registered to them who i was referring to.The same VJ who in an interview with Vanness told him off the record that she thought i was hot.
I went back to reading the magazine in peace.
Cosmo: Are the rumors between you and DMX true?

Blade: DMX and i are very good friends.He's like a brother to me, and i wouldnt deny that we go out whenever my schedule permits, but i wouldnt call it a date because we're always with his friends or my friends.Its more like a posse hanging out.

Cosmo: And that means you're single right now?

Blade: (laughs)Very much!I dont think a boyfriend will fit in the equation right now.It will be just unfair to him because i wouldnt be able to spend so much time with him.

Cosmo:But what if someone enters your life, and makes you rethink what you had just said?Blade: Well, we'll cross the bridge when we get there.Right now, im married to my career and im abstaining from dating as of the moment.
Gosh!I hope all these is true Jill!I hope you're not just fooling your fans.

"Dude!"Nicky howled."The VJ's here already!They're having lunch with us!""Yeah man!Get out of there now."Vanness followed up."Five minutes!"I mumbled.Then i heard the door open and footsteps going the rest rooms way."Hey Kenny!We got to go for lunch already"Jeff hollered.
I rolled my eyes.Those two probably squealed on Jeff and scripted the perfect technique to make me go out of seclusion.Placing the magazine on the bathroom magazine rack, I fixed myself up and followed them down to the hotel dining area.
Jeffrey approached Denise and introduced me."VJ Denise, Kenny Chou.Kenny, this is VJ Denise of MTV"She held out her hand and shaked mine.She smiled at me , made small talk then excused herself to join her staff. I did the same thing.When i got to our table, Vanness and Nicky were snickering at me."Dude!You're getting rusty!"Vanness teased me."Sorry man, its been a while."i replied.
Yeah been a while.I havent been flirting with girls in the past six months.After my breakup with my last girlfriend, i just didnt know if i wanted to get myself involved for the time being.It was just causing me to get involved in tabloid rumors.At least now, things have been quiet and no tabloid reporter or paparazzi was hounding me.I think they got bored of me.i dont know if that was good or bad though.Jeff says its bad, but thats the cheeky side of him talking.Joan says its good.Less headache for the management.
Stanley pointed towards Denise table, and looked back at them.She saw me and smiled at me.I smiled sexily at her and winked, then went back to eating.
Vanness was right.Theres nothing to hold on to.I know she exists, but does she know im still around.I should stop thinking about her when there are a lot of girls at my beck and call
Including the veejay.
Finally!Im getting back into the game!